a new beginning

2007

2007-01-03T00:20:00.000+01:00

2007 dh tiba akhirnya.. Banyak pengalaman yang aku lalui, dan pengajaran yg aku dapat tahun 2006; rindu, seronok, suka, duka, sedih, marah, tertipu, keliru, takut, risau, jatuh cinta, poyo.. Aku dah berjanji dgn dia utk berusaha… dia kata aku kena kuat, supaya aku boleh angkat dia :p Jadi aku berazam utk kuatkn semangat aku, tabahkan hati aku, dan teruskan perjalanan aku yg masih jauh.

Perkara2 yg aku nak lakukan pada 2007:

Jumpa dia
Siapkan mini tesis pertama aku
Balik ke Malaysia
Bercuti di Langkawi
Melawat Paris
Beli 4 bantal, almari baju, tilam besar, meja stadi

masih jauh

2006-12-28T12:16:00.000+01:00

Perjalanan aku masih jauh...

Hari kedua di Brussels

2006-12-27T10:30:00.000+01:00

24 Disember ialah hari kedua aku jadi pelancong di Brussels. Kali ni aku join trip adik aku dan kwn2 dia dr Bingen, Germany utk melawat sekitar kawasan Brussels. Tempat2 yg dilawati :

Royal Palace
Brussels Park
Palace of Justice
Grand Place
Mannekin Piss
Mini Europe
Atomium

Tu je la, dh mls nk tulis.
Au revoir…

Only Love - Trademark

2006-12-27T10:24:00.000+01:00

Only Love - Trademark


2 a.m. and the rain is falling

Here we are at the crossroads once again

You're telling me you're so confused

You can't make up your mind

Is this meant to be

You're asking me

Chorus

But only love can say - try again or walk away

But I believe for you and me

The sun will shine one day

So I'll just play my part

And pray you'll have a change of heart

But I can't make you see it through

That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking

Face to face and a thousand miles apart

I've tried my best to make you see

There's hope beyond the pain

If we give enough, if we learn to trust

[Chorus]

I know if I could find the words

To touch you deep inside

You'd give our dream just one more chance

Don't let this be our last good-bye

[Chorus]

That's something only love can do

Not in a perfect mood to write, especially during the Christmas holiday. Of course I still remember when I said that I will try not to post anymore song here… Hey, this is my blog anyway, hahaha.

Kenapa aku pilih lagu ni? Sbb yg tipikal kenapa org minat sesebuah lagu; sbb dlm pemikiran aku, aku berada dalam situasi yg sama seperti yg dikisahkn dalam lagu ni. X termasuk ayat pertama, sbb aku tulis ni pd jam 10 am, bkn 2 am :p. Yang membuatkan situasi aku sama seperti dalam lagu ni - aku terasa yg aku berada pd satu crossroad, yg aku masih x nampak di mana hujungnya. As in the chorus, we are thousand miles apart, but I also believe that there’s hope beyond the pain that we endure these days. If we give enough, we can face it together... Dh malas nk hurai lagu ni.. korg sume faham Bahasa Inggeris kn? Baca sendiri je la, hehe.

Dan sy masih menunggu… menunggu jawapan dr awk. Kalau sy ada duit, skrg jugak sy akn balik ke Malaysia utk jumpa awk, supaya awk blh buat keputusan yg sama2 kita tunggu.
p/s: sy akn sabar, mcm dlm cerita The Lake House :)

matahari terbit

2006-12-17T21:33:00.000+01:00

Pemandangan waktu pagi, sebelum matahari terbit dr tingkap bilik tdo yg baru aku gunakan sejak minggu lepas. Aku kerap terbangun awal skrg ni. Nk kata sebab x selesa.. aku rasa selesa je waktu aku tdo. Aku tdo dkt sblh heater & tingkap; kalau panas, bole tutup heater. Kalau panas lg, bole bukak tingkap. Bila bukak tingkap, mmg best sangat. Terasa dingin, nyaman, selesa... kecuali kalau badan basah. Selagi badan kering, aku sanggup lagi bukak tingkap. Kalau badan basah, mintak maaf la. Menggigil2.

Suhu hari ni paling sejuk sejak aku tiba dkt sini; 2 celcius. X bestnyer kalau ada salji. Skrg ni pn dh sejuk giler. Kalau salji turun, sangat x best la jadinya. Terkejut jugak aku bila terasa sejuk sgt waktu keluar beli buah2an pg tadi. X sangka perbezaan 1 celcius pn terasa sangat ketara... Harap2 salji xde tahun ni :p

message in a box

2006-12-16T14:59:00.000+01:00

sbb keboringan, aku tulis mende ni :p
sesiapa yg boleh baca, sila baca. sesiapa yg xleh baca, usaha sampai boleh baca.

"bljf mtbcqbt qjjd zbs ci ltjviuve tv bb b blb bsbfbevbo thiz jxz fmlhjtlj j vv bfbbcbj oilbh bkutt ot ixbbn bno ulb oobjvlht bxjj o bvbbl sbb sbmbsb jx teebbkx bzbb fn dbqjiue lbib eouv ojbuvo vbouts bod fu sbojuxb bbjsbb nobif dbbshze flz obit qb cojobblqb bos bfzvvebti ibt"

p/s: sapa tau baca, baca sorg2 je la..
klu? dkt tajuk tu ada dua klu

paru2 goreng

2006-12-15T18:28:00.000+01:00

Hr ni g agak lewat ke IRIDIA, sbb malasssssss (pkl 3 ptg baru smpai ofis).. Aku habiskan waktu pg dengan masak sarapan, tengok Prison Break, dan chat. Malam tadi aku cuba masak paru2 lembu, tp x menjadi lg masakan aku. Aku cuba buat paru2 berlada, campur dengan potongan kentang. Rasa masakan tu dh ok, tp x jadi mcm mana yg aku nk buat. Aku nk buat mcm masakan dekat kedai, yg paru2 tu ala2 garing.. camne nk terangkan ni.. tapi paru2 yg aku masak tu, jadi cam lembik je. Langsung x garing pn. Sape ada idea camne nk masak bagi sedap, tolonnnnn.

Lupa nk maklumkan yg aku dh ada sambungan internet dkt bilik. Jadi, senang sket nk berhubung dengan dunia luar, khususnya Malaysia :p. Kadang2 ade gak dpt msg waktu aku tgh tido @ tgh mamai2. Sengaja aku biarkan laptop terbuka sepanjang mlm, sbb nk dgr lagu, hehehe. Tengok la nanti, berapa kena caj untuk penggunaan elektrik bulanan. Buat masa ni, aku kena bayar 37 euros sebulan. Jadi, pada hujung tahun kewangan, jumlah penggunaan sebenar akn dihitung, kemudian pelarasan akn dibuat, sama ada aku perlu bayar lebihan caj, ataupun aku akn terima balik lebihan bayaran aku. Harap2 yg aku tak guna sebanyak 37 euros sebulan, jadi pada bulan 9 @ 10 thn depan, aku akn dapat lebihan bayaran aku. Harap2 dapat seratus dua…

unknown destination

2006-12-15T00:10:00.000+01:00

Had you ever randomly walked down a road to unknown destination, with some kind of fear where the road will lead you? With fear that you are going to arrive at someplace you never wish to be?

bilik - IRIDIA

2006-12-13T16:02:00.000+01:00

Dah lebih sebulan aku menetap di bilik @ apartment @ rumah aku skrg ni. Dan sekurang2nya 5 kali seminggu aku akn berulang alik dari bilik ke IRIDIA. Dkt bawah ni peta yg mewakili perjalanan aku dari bilik ke IRIDIA. Rupa2nya jarak dr bilik aku ke IRIDIA ialah lebih kurang 2 km. Macam x percaya aku jalan kaki 4 km tiap2 hari.

Slim aku bila dh abis stadi nanti :p Kalau mood ok, masa perjalanan lebih kurang 20 minit, dan kalau aku berjalan perlahan2 dengan mood malas, akn ambil masa lbh krg 30 minit. Oleh sebab cuaca sejuk (nk jimat duit pn, salah satu sbb jugak), aku lebih suka berjalan kaki berbanding menaiki bas. Pemandangan semasa dalam perjalanan boleh dikatakan agak menarik, sbb aku perlu berjalan di pinggir Tasik Flagey yg dihuni oleh pelbagai jenis burung dan angsa. Kecuali kalau hari hujan, aku akn naik bas, dengan bayaran 1,50 €. Terasa mahal, sbb caj menggunakan perkhidmatan bas di sini adalah berbeza berbanding Malaysia. Untuk mengunakan perkhidmatan bas, terdapat beberapa pilihan tiket bas; 1,50 € untuk satu perjalanan @ 10,50 € untuk sepuluh perjalanan @ pas bulanan @ pas tahunan. Satu tiket yg berharga 1,50 € boleh digunakan ke mana2 destinasi di Brussels dalam masa sejam, tidak kira berapa kali bertukar bas @ tram @ metro (keretapi bawah tanah). Jadi, untuk perjalanan yang hanya mengambil masa kurang 10 minit, penggunaan perkhidmatan awam adalah sangat2 tidak berbaloi. Kalau nk berjimat, pastikan perjalanan pergi dan balik ke mana2 destinasi dilakukan dalam masa kurang sejam :)

untitled

2006-12-11T23:07:00.000+01:00

Minggu lepas, aku tak berhajat untuk beli mende ni.. Tapi atas sebab musabab yg x dapat dielakkn (ape tu), aku terbeli jugak secara x sengaja. Harga "agak" murah, sbb jualan Krismas dh bermula. Jadi, sbb ade somebody nk tgk ni, maka aku usaha amik gmbr dalam keadaan yg agak gelap. Berdiri dr kiri, body shampoo, edt dan aftershave balm.

Hari ni, aku dpt berita yg mendukacitakn dari dua org kwn aku. Terasa dugaan yg menimpa org lain adalah jauh lebih hebat drpd yg aku alami. Kepada kwn2 berkenaan yg sedang menghadapi masa2 yg sukar ni, terima kasih sbb sudi berkongsi dgn aku, semoga dapat bersabar dan hadapinya dengan tabah...

Wassalam..

tanpa tajuk

2006-12-10T21:11:00.000+01:00

Arrgh, bila aku fikirkan perkembangan pengajian aku, terasa hari2 berlalu dengan begitu pantas. Banyak perkara yg masih aku tak tau, yg perlu aku belajar. Tp pada masa yg sama, masa terasa terlalu lambat berlalu bila aku fikirkan tentang pulang ke Malaysia. Lagi 10 bulan, baru bolah balik, dan jmpa org2 yg aku rindu. Lama kn 10 bulan?

Keadaan di sini makin ok. Dh banyak yg dapat aku uruskan. Dan insyaAllah besok akn dapat sambungan internet, yg akn aku kongsi dengan Vincent (jiran atas bilik aku). Jadi, tiap2 bulan aku perlu bayar 23,50 euros, berbanding 39 euros kalau melanggan untuk sorg2. Dh kira jimat, kn. Perbelanjaan yg aku kena keluarkn cuma untuk beli router supaya kitorg boleh kongsi internet. Kemudian… aku boleh guna internet sesuka hati, hahaha. Dh xde tumpang2 org cam skrg ni lg :) Mahal jugak harga router tu 85 euros (lg mhl berbanding belanja mkn sebulan utk aku di Malaysia). Aku beli router baru, sbb x sempat nk cari yg ‘second hand’ sblm pemasangan internet Isnin ni. Xpe la, pelaburan sekali je. Nnti boleh guna bertahun2. Teringat balik mesin basuh yg aku beli hampir dua minggu lepas. Mesin basuh tu masih tersadai di paras bawah, sbb x cukup tenaga utk bawak naik ke bilik aku di paras 3, hahaha. Memula, aku cadang utk usung mesin basuh tu naik ke bilik aku dengan bantuan Vincent. Tapi bila fikir2 balik, Vincent tu bkn muda mcm aku. Kang jadi pape dkt Vincent tu, aku jugak yg rasa bersalah nnti. Jadi, aku bercadang utk tunggu adik aku dan kwn2 dia dtg dr Bingen pd cuti Krismas ni, dan mintak tlg diorg angkat. Percuma je kn. Kalau nk mintak tlg org dekat2 sini angkat, upah yg biasa dikenakan ialah 20 euros. Mahal sehh… aku kena berjimat cermat :p skrg ni, ape2 yg free dan murah menjadi pilihan. Xde lg bajet utk beli gadget2yg canggih2 @ mknan yg sedap2 bermewah2.. asalkn boleh survive, cukup la. Malahan, masih x terfikir utk melancong, sbb mmg belum mampu lg. Satu hari nnti, insyaAllah.

Eric ada cadangkn supaya aku ke Grand Place pd waktu Krismas, sbb katanya Grand Place akn dihiasi dengan pokok Krismas yg besar. Kalau xde pokok besar tu pn, Grand Place mmg sgt cantik pd waktu malam. Lepas tu, Eric cadangkn aku bawa rombongan adik aku dan kwn2 dia ke Bruges, Ghent, dan Durbuy. Sume tu aku belum pernah pegi lg. I will, one day :p just waiting for the right person who can accompany me...

no more free wifi

2006-12-07T09:36:00.000+01:00

Dh 3 – 4 hr tak dapat sambungan ke internet di rumah. Apsal tak dapat, mungkin sbb aku x bayar bil... Apsal aku x bayar bil? Sbb bukan internet yg aku langgan… Aku cuma menumpang secara percuma langganan internet org lain. Teruk kn? Rasa2nya, dh berakhir zaman aku merasa internet percuma dekat sini. Mmg aku berharap utk dapatkan sambungan sendiri, cuma wang yg jadi penghalang. Aku perlukan internet, terutamanya utk eksperimen2 yg perlu aku lakukan, keluarga dan org tersayang yg aku nk telefon, cerita2 yg aku nk download dan blog yg aku nk update. Kepada kengkawan yg YM tapi x berbalas @ lambat berbalas, mintak maaf sbb x sempat nk berYM siang2, dan skrg ni, mlm pn dh x dpt nk berYM jugak sbb internet dh xde.

Iwan, brg2 dekat sini semua mahal2. Hasil perbincangan aku dengan warga Malaysia yg lain, kitorg masih x jumpa brg2 dekat sini yg lebih murah berbanding dengan brg2 di Malaysia. Jadi, kalau nk import barang2 dr sini masuk ke Malaysia, elok fikir 2 – 3 – 4 kali dulu.

Waktu mula2 tiba di Brussels, aku selalu terfikir, betul ke keputusan aku untuk datang ke sini? Mungkin sebab agak sukar utk settle down sengsorg dekat sini, aku rasa agak tertekan. Dan setelah hampir sebulan setengah berlalu, aku dengan senang hati dapat katakan yg aku x menyesal datang ke sini. Walaupun banyak dugaan, aku dh dapat sesuatu yg x mungkin aku dapat jika aku berada di Malaysia pada saat ini. Memang setiap perkara yg berlaku, ada hikmahnya kn. Susah? Memang masih susah hidup di sini, tapi ada yg x henti2 membantu aku. Sunyi? Memang sunyi, tapi masih ada yg setia menemankan aku saban hari. Bosan? Cuma pada waktu2 tertentu; malam hari bila dh xde teman utk bersembang, hujung minggu bila dh xde sesiapa yg nk temankn aku habiskn masa. Inilah hidup.. kena lalui semua dugaan ni utk mencapai cita2 aku. Susah macam mana pun, hidup perlu diteruskan, sakit macam mana pun, aku perlu terus bertahan.

“Because you’re here, the tears of mine become courage,
I want to be stronger, I want to share things with you”

Naruto

2006-12-04T23:31:00.000+01:00

“Uncle ada gambar Naruto? Dekat rumah uncle ade game Naruto? Iqhwan ade baju Naruto.. Iqhwan ade pembalut kepala (headband) Naruto..” Antara topic perbualan aku dengan Iqhwan; Naruto, Mega Rangers, Power Rangers, Batman, Spiderman, dan bermacam2 lg watak super hero yg lain. Seronok jugak layan dia, dh lama x jumpa budak2 dekat sini. Kalau jumpa yg cakap Perancis, ape aku nk sembang?

That's all for today..

Au revoir

a few days in Antwerp

2006-12-04T10:06:00.000+01:00

1 Disember 2006
Perjalanan aku ke Antwerp bermula pada jam 3 petang, dimulakan dengan lawatan ke kedai pakaian berhampiran dengan Porte de Namur. Aku cuma jalan kaki ke sana, sbb nk jimat duit belanja :p lgpun dekat je, dalam 10 min dr apartment aku. Baju2 best2, dan banyak pilihan. Tapi aku tahan niat utk beli baju2 tu sbb ada hajat lain yg lebih besar nnti. Lepas masuk beberapa buah kedai di kawasan Porte de Namur, aku teruskan perjalanan ke De Brouskere. Lama jugak pusing2 di De Brouckere utk cari barang yg aku nk beli. Masih x jumpa jugak. Kemudian aku terpikir utk masuk ke salah satu supermarket di kawasan De Brouckere. Dan akhirnya... Armani Acqua di Gio menjadi milik aku, hahaha. Abis duit aku beli mende ni. Sape tah yg bagitau bau dia best sgt… tak tau berapa tahun koleksi yg ada ni akn habis :p

Aku sempat sampai di Gare du Midi 5 minit sblm train berlepas, pd jam 5.09 minit ptg. Nasib baik kn. Niat utk ambil gmbar semasa dlm perjalanan hr ni terpaksa dibatalkn sbb dh maghrib. Dh gelap dkt luar tu, mmg xleh ambil gmbr dh. Jadi, aku bercadang utk balik pd pg Ahad, bkn petang Ahad. So, aku akn ada lebih masa utk ambil beberapa keping gambar semasa perjalanan aku. Perjalanan aku ok, sbb bertemankn laptop kesayangan. Laptop ni la yg jadi teman rapat dkt sini. Tiap2 hari aku tenung, tiap2 hr aku pikul, tiap2 hari aku dakap waktu tido... Train yg aku naiki tiba di Antwerp Centraal lebih krg jam 6.10 ptg. Sebai shj tiba, aku nmpk Kak Wan dh melambai2 dr jauh. Lega tgk org Malaysia dkt sini. Kemudian aku singgah sebentar di studio Kak Wan, x jauh dr stesen Antwerp Centraal. Lepas kemas2 sikit, aku & Kak Wan menuju ke rumah Madzli. Kaki aku dh terasa lenguh, tubuh dh terasa sejuk.. aku cuma pakai kemeja, baju melayu dan hoodie. Aku rancang utk beli overcoat @ baju sejuk, tapi x sempat memandangkan aku dh terlewat utk ke Antwerp. insyaAllah, bila tiba masa yg sesuai, aku akn luangkan masa utk beli benda2 tu semua.

Sampai di rumah Madzli jam 7 mlm. Anak2 Madzli dh lama melelapkn mata (Iqhwan & Izham). Sebaik shj tiba rumah Madzli, aku & K Wan dihidangkn dengan nasi berlaukkn ayam msk kurma & sambal ikan bilis. Berselera aku & K Wan mkn, 2 kali tambah nasi… Kali pertama mkn masakan Melayu, hasil masakan org lain. Oleh sebab Madzli dan isteri masih mengalami jet lag, K Wan balik ke studio pd jam 10 mlm, dan aku luangkn masa utk menonton Naruto yg baru aku download pd pg Jumaat. Sampai aku tertido sambil mendakap laptop…

2 Disember 2006
Aku dijamu dengan nasi lemak (2 x tambah) berlaukkn ayam goreng tepung dan sambal ikan bilis. Kemudian pd jam 8.30, kami keluar ke Chinatown & Arab Street. Wow, banyak sgt kedai Cina & Arab di Antwerp. Sangat2 best utk habiskn duit di sini. Cuma aku masih xde mood utk membeli belah, xtau sbb apa. Mungkin sbb aku dh banyak habiskan duit di Brussels smlm. Banyak baju yg aku berkenan, dan harga yg sgt best. Aku akn cuba luangkn masa bsk utk habiskn saki baki duit yg ada. Hr ni aku beli berus tandas, lilin wangi(nk jimat letrik kononnya), sabun, syampu, cili kering, mee cina, kicap, sos cili, dan blender. Harga barang2 di sini lebih murah berbanding Brussels, dan pilihan yg ada sangat banyak. Mungkin aku akn berulang alik ke sini sebulan sekali, kalau aku ada masa yg terluang.

Lbh kurang jam 1 tghari, kami ke studio K Wan.. Menu makan tengahari; Bolognese spaghetti, koey teow tomyam, dan mee tomyam (bahan sama je), cuma nk bagi nmpk banyak :) soronok mkn beramai2, x rasa sunyi sgt berada di bumi Belgium ni.

Kemudian aku luangkn masa utk call Ma, pakcik aku, kakak2 aku, kawan2 aku, dan akhir sekali… tau la sape kn. Mula2 sembang 25 minit… lepas tu sambung lg selama 45 minit… lepas tu aku berniat utk sambung sembang skjp lg. Sebab aku masih nk luangkn masa dekat sini, aku cadangkn pada Madzli supaya dia balik ke rumah dia dulu, dan aku akn menyusul kemudian sbb aku akn lama lg di rumah K Wan. Kemudian K Wan nk mintak bantuan aku di ofis dia. Jadi, aku temankn dia, dan cuba utk online dr ofis K Wan. Lepas selesai bantu dia, aku cuba utk sambung laptop aku pd LAN di ofis tu. Ape pulak masalah… aku x dapat guna internet… sangat2 tensen. Aku habiskn masa hampir sejam menggodek2 laptop, masih x dapat juga betulkan. Hari dh makin gelap. Jam dah pukul 6++, dah masuk waktu Isya’. Jadi, aku buat keputusan utk balik ke rumah Madzli dengan perasaan hampa. Malang bertimpa2 bila aku sesat lg di celah2 lorong2 gelap di Antwerp. Suasana agak membimbangkan, sbb mlm minggu. Ramai yg mabuk2 di lorong2 kecil yg aku lalu. Setelah hampir sejam setengah berpusing2 di sekitar lorong2 kecil tu, aku buat keputusan utk kembali ke studio K Wan, dan tumpang dia je mlm ni. Kredit aku dh habis, dn hati dh makin membara… letih sbb bawak bnyk brg bersama2 aku; laptop, blender dan bedspread yg besar gedabak. My sense of direction is definitely terrible. Memang sesat2 ni dh menjadi kebiasaan bg aku. Jadi, lebih kurang jam 8, aku tiba di studio K Wan, dan aku cuba online skali lg… arrrgh, a few more frustrating things happened tonight which I shouldn’t write :( xpe la, banyak aku belajar hr ni.. Kesabaran aku teruji berkali2 lg…

3 Disember 2006
Aku bergerak dr studio K Wan ke rmh Madzli pd jam 8 pagi. Hari masih gelap. K Wan dh bekalkn aku dengan peta, spy aku dh x sesat lg pg ni. Tiba di rumah Madzli jam 8.45 pg, kemudian sarapan bihun, dan aku teruskn misi aku utk beli baju. Rupa2nya kedai tutup pulak hr ni. Cuma beberapa buah kedai yg x best je yg bukak. Xpe, mungkin ni lebih baik sebab aku dapat simpan duit aku untuk kegunaan lain yg lebih penting. Niat utk ambil gambar juga gagal sebab hujan dan sukar bg aku untuk ambil gambar sambil jaga brg2 yg aku bawak. Maaf kepada yg setia menunggu gmbr2 dr Antwerp. Aku akn ke Antwerp lg lain, kali, insyaAllah aku akn cuba ambil gmbr setakat yg aku mampu. Aku terus ke Antwerp Centraal utk dapatkan tiket. Tren aku bertolak pd jam 11.23 pg, menuju ke Brussels. Jam 12.35 tgh, aku tiba di Gare du Central (Brussels central station), dan aku ambil bas ke de Bruckere. Niat utk ke shopping complex terbantut bila shopping complex pn tutup hr Ahad! Biar benar org Belgium nih. Hari cuti camni, kedai tutup lak. Tah pape jek.. Jadi, aku ke Metro de Bruckere utk naik tram no 81 menuju ke Montgomery yg akn lalu di kawasan tasik Flagey yg berhampiran dgn tempat aku. Sebelum naik ke rumah, aku singgah di beberapa buah kedai dan beli ayam, pedal ayam, cendawan butang, udang, kentang, telur.. melayang 20 euro..

………… letihnyer.. dh x larat nk tulis..

lunch yg disediakn oleh K Wan

Iqhwan, Idzham dan K Wan

Saifullah dan Ikhwan

Madzli

Balqis (wife Madzli)

Ni sedikit gmbr yg diambil di bilik K Wan. Camera aku lebih banyak digunakan oleh Ikhwan berbanding aku :p dia lak yg jadi camera man. Semua gmbr ni diambil di rumah K Wan. Bandar antwerp x semenarik Brussels, tapi tempat membeli belah yg agak ok. Nk ambil gmbr di luar pn x dpt, sbb selalu sgt hujan.. Masa masih ada, insyaAllah

Wassalam

i'm going somewhere

2006-12-01T11:05:00.000+01:00

Ciao,

Weekend ni (weekend aku bermula ptg ni), aku akn ke Antwerp.. nk melawat Madzli & family dia yg baru sampai di Belgium pd hr Isnin lepas. Madzli akn memulakan PhD beliau dlm bidang ekonomi, dlm domain “international trade”, bkn bidang aku tu, jadi aku xtau pape psl dia nyer kepakaran :) Dengan rasminya aku akn ponteng pd ptg ni. Lepas solat Jumaat, aku nk ke kedai jap, nk cari perfume n beli brg2 keperluan sikit (bantuan kemanusiaan dh tiba di Belgium, alhamdulilLah). Lepas tu akn ambik tren ke Antwerp. Jimat duit aku weekend ni, blh mkn free, hahaha.. Mungkin aku akn kembali semula ke Ixelles pd ptg Ahad, insyaAllah…

One more thing, sbb aku ada menerima beberapa email bertanyakn tntg aku “jatuh cinta”.. Jadi, aku akn terangkan sikit, spy xde salah faham. Aku sbnrnya sedang “mengejar” seseorang. Aku sendiri masih xtau apa yg akn berlaku, sbb masih terlalu awal utk aku aku buat jangkaan, dan xde statistik utk aku buat kira2 dlm hal ni. Aku xtau aku akn berjaya @ x memenangi hati org yg aku suka, tp aku akn cuba sedaya upaya. Aku faham yg aku xleh nk paksa sesiapa menyukai aku, jadi nk xnk, aku kena terima keputusan dia. Dia kata “ i dont want to jump into anything... i want to go with the flow..” Jadi aku hormati keputusan dia, dan akn tunggu masanya utk tahu apa yg akn berlaku :) ape yg aku nk cakap dekat sini, I’m still single but not available, hahaha (macam la ada org lain yg minat). Aku xnk la korg ingat aku tengah mabuk bercinta lak, at least, I’m still not. Cuma skrg ni, tiap2 hr aku akn luangkn sedikit (sikit ke?) masa utk chat ngan dia. Walaupun masih xde pape hubungan lg, dia bnyk temankn aku yg dalam keadaan sunyi ni. Maybe that’s when I started to like that person..
Ok la, tu je yg aku nk ckp. Org yg aku suka pn baca gak blog ni. Jadi, x elok utk aku cite panjang2 tentang perasaan aku lak. Cuma xnk sesape salah paham :p

Semoga perjalanan aku selamat pergi & balik.. insyaAllah aku akn upload gmbr2 dlm perjalanan & semasa berada di sana.

Au revoir

my masterhood friends

2006-11-30T11:06:00.000+01:00

Sambil2 lepak tgk desperate housewives, aku teringat rakan2 masterhood di UUM. Jadi, entry ni nk cerita tentang rakan2 seperjuangan pulak. Satu jangka masa yg sgt singkat, cuma 1 tahun lebih bersama2 diorang. Ada yg sekepala, ada yg bnyk kepala, tp AlhamdulilLah kebanyakan dr kami dh berjaya menamatkan pengajian masing2.. sape yg x abis2 lagi tu, cepat2 la sikit noo.

Dimulakan dengan yg super senior. Yg mula2 skali ialah Shaharir (not available sbb dh berkeluarga) yg glamer dengan kepakaran beliau dalam bidang statistik dan penggunaan perisian SPSS. Walaupun SPSS yg digunakn tu adalah versi cetak rompak, Shaharir ni mmg sangat pakar, sampaikan dijemput ke KL, Melaka, etc utk kepakaran beliau tu. Respect la bro..

Yg seterusnya, sbb xnk sesapa kecik ati, aku akn kenalkn ikut susunan bilik..

Bermula dengan rumet aku sendiri. Aku x payah kenalkn diri sendiri, sbb cuma ada beberapa org pembaca setia je dkt sini dan sume dh kenal sape aku, hehe. Tahun 2006 dh masuk tahun ke 9 aku kenal rumet aku ni. Mula kenal waktu di matrikulasi. Kemudian first degree sama2. Second degree sama2. Kerja pn sama tempat. Dan untuk third degree ni, aku dh decide, kena ubah pulak. Hahaha, bkn lari dr ko Mun. Tp ko paham2 la kn. Dh masak ngan perangai dia, & of course dia pn dh masak dengan perangai aku. He’s very supportive, and very patient dengan aku yg kekadang merapu nih. And he’s brilliant, salah sorg top scorer dalam kelas aku. Dh beribu batu aku mengembara sama2 dgn Mun. Xde la g jauh pn. Tapi kerap sangat.. Kedah – KB, Kedah – KL, Kedah – KT, KB – KT….. banyak lg la. Dh jauh rupanya aku mengembara :)

Kemudian jiran yg terdekat dengan bilik aku, yg banyak berkongsi hobi dengan aku ialah Wan, atau nama samarannya Azwan. Susur galur bermula dr ayah Wan yg super duper senior di JENAN, sekolah kebanggaan aku, walaupun sekolah tu mungkin x bangga dengan aku.. Dengan Azwan, aku banyak berkongsi hobi. Yg pertama, aku ngan Wan sama2 minat kucing, dan ada beberapa ekor kucing yg tiap2 hr kitorg akn jenguk. Kalau Wan dh bagi kucing tu mkn, aku tgk je, dan kalau aku malas turun dr floor kitorg ke groundfloor, Wan la yg akn berusaha turun ke groundfloor dan bagi kucing2 tu mkn. Biasanya, mmg aku mls pn :) hobi kedua, tgk anime. Mula2, aku terpengaruh dengan Wan yg memperkenalkn aku dengan anime Naruto, kalau x silap. Tapi dengan usaha aku, aku berjaya mempengaruhi Wan, sampai dia meminati One Piece dan Bleach. Haha, I won. Hobi seterusnya, kitorg kaki DVD. Sanggup turun dr hutan Sintok ke Alor Setar semata2 untuk beli DVD. Kitorg dh ada satu kedai yg biasa kitorg pergi.. Bila amoi yg jaga kedai tu tgk kitorg, mesti senyum, sbb tau kitorg akn beli lebih dr sekeping... Harga agak murah berbanding dengan tempat2 lain. Layanan pn spesel la kn, tp hampeh sbb harga 5 ringgit gak, x kurang2 walaupun kerap beli. Paling sikit, 3-4 keping DVD sorg. Paling banyak, x payah bgtau la… Hobi seterusnya, tgk wayang.. Ni cuma boleh diaplikasikn kalau Wan di KL, dan aku ke KL atas urusan tertentu. Kalau xde halangan, mesti nk g tgk wayang. Maklum la, dkt Kedah cuma ada Cineplex kecik je. Dan Wan minat sgt2 cite2 seram. Aku layan jugak, hehe. Dan hobi kitorg yg last skali yg membuatkan kitorg ni sekepala… kitorg dua2 kuat makan (mungkin aku kena tulis yg ni dekat tempat pertama). Wan slalu promote tempat2 mkn yg best pada aku. Waaa, I miss those Malaysian food; makcik risda, makcik kari, ahmediah, bj, linda, gelas besar, joe, pmc, pms, pelita, darby park pun aku miss jugak, hahaha… Nasib baik aku masih maintain slim (menurut silah ni, bkn aku ckp :p). Wan ni dh berpunya, dh ada tunang sorg setakat ni, dan insyaAllah akn kekal sorg je. Rumet Wan, Wandi yg berasal dr Besut, skrg menetap di Kuala Terengganu bersama isteri dan dua org cahaya mata. Skrg pn dh berpangkat besau dh dia ni. Semoga berbahagia jadi org Ganu. Cepat2 abiskn master be..

Bilik seterusnya, dihuni oleh Atam dr Johor dan Kucai dr Jitra (dua2 bkn nama sebenar). Bilik ni adalah bilik rasmi utk menonton pelbagai jenis wayang dalam suasana beramai2 dan muhibah, disusuli dengan asap rokok yg berkepul2. Masing2 akn bergelimpangan di port masing2, dengan prinsip sape cepat, dia dpt... Biasanya aku @ Wan akn jadi pembekal DVD secara percuma. Atam ni, pakar dalam bidang kewangan, ank sulung yg berasal dr Johor, dan pada masa ni berada di Johor utk bersama2 keluarga, dan bekerja di sana. Atam adlh di antara yg termuda di kalangan kami. Adik la lebih kurang. Kucai pulak, skrg bekerja di Purtrajaya. Pakar dalam bidang perbankan, dan pernah bekerja di Maybank untuk beberapa ketika sebelum melanjutkan ijazah kedua beliau di UUM. Kucai ni terer main tennis. Bila ada masa, kitorg akn ke gelanggang tennis beramai2; main tennis sambil mencuci mata.

Depan bilik Atam dan Kucai, warga pertama dr Indonesia, Teja. Lebih dikenali sebagai ‘begok’ di kalangan kitorg, dan selalu menggunakan kata2.. “bagi dong”. X payah la cerita pasal Teja. Kalau cerita pasal Teja, aku selalu teringat keadaan bilik Teja…

Seterusnya ialah Ucop dr kg Sungai Buaya, pakar dlm bidang masak memasak, secara spesifiknya, dalam bidang ukir buah. Mmg pakar, sbb Ucop ni dh biasa anjurkn kelas mengukir buah dan menyertai pertandingan masak memasak di universiti.

Bilik seterusnya dihuni oleh Hafiz… aku x cukup kenal dia.. jadi xleh cerita pasal dia.

Kemudian org yg paling glamer di kalangan kami, artis dr kumpulan Firdaus, Farouq dr Parit, Perak @ lebih dikenali dengan nama manja beliau, Yuz (bro, geli aku dengar nama ni, hahaha). Ni sparring partner dalam bidang ping pong dan badminton. Tapi main badminton, x pernah pn aku menang lawan Yuz ni. Main tenis pn dia boleh gak, serba boleh la katakan. Dalam kesempatan ni, aku nk tlg promote album terbaru Yuz, ‘’dunia yg lebih indah’’. Beli lah yg original, k. Rumet Yuz, Along, org Aloq Setaq.. Salah sorg yg awet muda di kalangan kami & sangat meminati lagu2 ‘niggers’ dan cerita2 pasal ‘niggers’.. Cite four brothers tu, mu simpan la be… wat souvenir. X sampai ati aku nk amik balik psl mu minat sgt.

Senior kita, Kadiaq (nama samaran) yg kini di Alor Setar yg akan memasuki alam pekerjaan. Salah sorg yg paling berumur di kalangan kitorg (x tua mana pun), dan beliau ni slh sorg yg jadi pembekal kemudahan pengangkutan utk g mkn @ apa2 aktiviti. Mudah kata, dia ada kete laaaa. He’s also a great buddy.

Irwan, teman sepermainan; chess, badminton, ping pong, dn yg paling baru, DotA. Wan, aku asyik kena “noob” je. Memang kena belasah je main mende ni. Jatuh la reputasi ko dkt blueserver tu. Tiap kali aku main, ada lag beberapa saat. Tu yg slalu jadi feeder. Sampai kena lepak dekat base je kekadang, sbb slalu sgt buat org lain naik level. Anyway, aku akn berusaha baiki reputasi aku tuh, don worry. Iwan ni salah sorg pejuang bangsa Melayu, walaupun aku x pasti dia ni menyebelahi parti mana.. Rumet Iwan, Gie yg slalu balik kampong. X banyak sangat aku tau psl Gie, sbb kitorg pn jarang jumpa.

Yg seterusnya, Adi dr Sarawak. Juga salah satu sumber pengangkutan kitorg di UUM. Senang nk mintak tlg (dia la yg tlg iron baju time nk viva hr tu, hahaha). He’s a little secretive, but still a good friend.

Ada lg beberapa org yg berasal dr Indonesia dan Thailand, tp dh x larat nk tulis. Korg pn mesti dh x larat nk baca kn…
Ok, that’s all. Tu je cerita ringkas psl kengkawan di UUM, my masterhood friends. I miss them :)

ixelles 2006

2006-11-28T15:30:00.000+01:00

Kegembiraan, satu perkara yg tak dapat diukur dengan penimbang, pembaris @ wang ringgit. Lain org, lain pengalaman yg dilalui, dan ini yg akn mempengaruhi tafsiran kebahagiaan dlm hidup masing2. Sesetengah org berasa bahagia bila mendapat pekerjaan yg diimpi2kn, rumah yg besar, melancong ke segenap pelusuk dunia. ada juga yg berbahagia bila dapat mengumpul wang berjuta2.. dan yg lain berbahagia bila dpt bersama2 org yg disayangi dan membahagiakn mereka.. dan pelbagai lg sebab yg mempengaruhi kebahagiaan, yg x dapat aku nk huraikn dalam batas masa dan akal yg terhad ini. Yg pasti, aku bahagia pd saat ini. Walaupun menghadapi pelbagai cabaran dan kesusahan yg kadangkala melemahkn aku, aku bahagia atas segala sokongan yg diberi, dan bantuan yg dihulur kpd aku..

Cuma bila dihitung balik, amat terasa yg hidup ni terlalu singkat. Bila dikira masa yg terbuang, dan hari2 yg telah dibazirkn, terasa umur ni terlalu pendek. Pejam celik, dah 25 tahun umur aku.. Dh masuk suku abad. Apa yg telah aku capai sampai saat ini? Perjalanan hidup masih jauh. Jam terus berdetik tanpa henti. Langkah kaki perlu aku teruskan. Kadang kala tergelincir dan terjatuh. Seringkali sebenarnya aku terjatuh, namun aku masih mampu bangun dan teruskan perjalanan yg entah bila akn sampai ke penghujungnya. Hanya ucapan terima kasih mampu aku ucapkn kepada yg sudi menghulurkan tangan, membantu aku meneruskan perjalanan yg masih tak kelihatan di mana tamatnya. Dan yg berada di perhentian2 yg aku lewati, juga terima kasih atas segala sokongan dan tunjuk ajar...

Ixelles, 2006

overdue pictures...

2006-11-27T19:06:00.000+01:00

Dlm keadaan papa kedana ni, aku terpaksa ke kedai barang2 rumah, sebab tisu tandas dh habis (dh beberapa kali aku tangguh niat utk beli tisu, skrg tisu dh habis, duit pn dh nk habis).. teruk sungguh kn. Berbekalkn duit syiling 50, 20, dan 5 euro cent, aku ke kedai utk dapatkan tisu tandas yg berharga 2,25 euro. Nasib baik cukup duit yg aku bawak. Sedih btol la smpai jadi camni. Mmg dh xleh masuk kedai smpai hujung bulan gamaknya. Terpaksa aku mkn apa yg ada dlm peti ais, hrp2 sempat tahan seminggu, sblm bantuan kemanusiaan tiba dekat sini.

Hr ni post special, sbb dipaparkn desktop pd laptop aku yg amat serabut dengan ikon2 dan folder2 yg x sempat nk dikemaskan. Dh lebih dua minggu desktop aku terbiar mcm ni, walaupun laptop ni berada dalam keadaan terbuka hampir 24 jam sehari. Takde masa nk kemaskn @ malas? Malas la jawabnya. Aku suka gambar pd desktop ni.. Aku “terambil” waktu aku melancong di Brussels pd beberapa minggu lepas. Melancong kononnya… suka sangat dengan gmbr ni.. jadi, akn kekal gmbr ni sebagai desktop aku, sehingga aku dapat ambil satu gmbr lain yg lebih ok. Bila gamaknya?

Seterusnya ialah gambar yg aku ambil beberapa minggu lepas. Gambar yg pertama ialah gambar berhampiran dengan Islamic Centre Belgique, aku ambil sementara tunggu masuk waktu solat Jumaat. Sempat lg kn... (sbb aku gatal bwk kamera, terpaksa aku sangkut kamera dekat bahu waktu solat Jumaat) Gmbr yg kedua ialah gmbr yg aku ambil dr Merode tram stop, berhampiran dengan Kedutaan Besar Malaysia. Sori kepada yg menunggu gmbr2 yg lmbt ni (x sempat nk upload kononnya).

mysterious park

rel tram

Till next time..
Wassalam

a lot of things go wrong @ everything goes wrong?

2006-11-25T21:30:00.000+01:00

Permulaan yg sangat buruk bagi hujung minggu ini.. Macam2 perkara yg x kena. Mungkin utk menguji kesabaran @ ketidaksabaran aku..

Hari Jumaat, aku terliur nk mkn steak.. Jadi, aku ke kedai utk beli daging dan bahan2 yg perlu. Utk melengkapkan hidangan steak tu, aku beli tepung gandum utk buat black pepper sauce dan wedges. Bahan2 utk buat steak, sume ada kecuali sos tiram. Jadi, aku beli andalouse sauce utk ganti sos tiram, walaupun rasa mmg jauh berbeza. Sambil2 tunggu steak masak, aku goring wedges. Malang seribu kali malang, rupa2nya tepung yg aku sangka gandum tu, rupa2nya tepung kanji! Wedges x menjadi & kanji melekat2 pada kuali. Jadi, hidangan steak turut terjejas bila x dapat buat black pepper sauce. Bkn shj terjejas, tp a complete failure!

Aku ke pasar minggu di Tasik Flagey dan beberapa buah kedai utk cari kacang buncis.. Juga xde. Waktu aku xnk beli hr tu, ade pulak kacang buncis. Kenapa waktu aku cari ni, semua mende xde!

Sabtu, aku balik agak awal setelah meluangkan masa beberapa jam di IRIDIA. Aku terpaksa ke Ave de Tervuren utk cari HSBC, dgn tujuan utk mengeluarkan duit yg dimasukkn dr Malaysia. Sepatutnya aku ke sana minggu lepas, tp sebab minggu lepas x sempat nk ke sana, aku luangkan masa minggu ni utk cari HSBC. Sampai di Ave de Tervuren jam 5.45 ptg.. Suasana dh gelap sbb dh Maghrib.. Dh nk masuk Isyak dh pn.. Kalau ikutkan rancangan asal, aku berhajat utk ke sana pd jam 2 ptg. Tapi terlewat sbb terleka dengan beberapa perkara.. Berbekalkan peta dlm beg dan mata yg rabun, aku cuba cari HSBC yg pada tanggapan aku mudah utk aku cari. Aku turun berhampiran kedutaan besar Malaysia, dan pusing2 di kawasan tu selama hampir setengah jam… pun x jumpa di mana HSBC. Kemudian aku naik tram utk kembali ke bilik. Tapi, semasa dlm tram, aku masih rasa x puas hati sbb x jumpa HSBC. Sekali lg aku turun dr tram, dan pusing2 di kawasan lain pulak yg aku rasa berpotensi utk aku jumpa HSBC. Dan tepat jangkaan aku bila aku terjumpa bangunan beralamat 270, Ave de Tervuren berhampiran perhentian tram. Masalah yg lebih besar timbul bila bangunan tu rupa2nya adalah bangunan ING bank, bkn bangunan HSBC bank. Terduduk aku seketika depan bangunan tu. Terasa lapar, letih… nk nangis pun ada! Kenapa jadi camni pulak. Jadi, bila sampai di rumah, aku cuba buka balik laman web HSBC, dan nasib baik mlm ni boleh online. Dan bila aku tengok laman web HSBC Belgium, sekali lagi aku terkesima bila terbaca kenyataan di laman web tersebut.. “Personal Banking facilities are not available at this branch” .. Mcm mana aku boleh secuai ni? Nasib baik gaji baru masuk. Jadi, masih ada sedikit duit utk kegunaan waktu kecemasan. Tapi, aku masih x dapat nk susun kata2 utk mintak transfer duit sekali lg dr Malaysia. Duit dalam dompet aku yg paling besar, 50 euro cent. Suddenly I felt sooo stupid, miserable and lonely again. Arrrgh, how I hate this kind of feeling. I have to be strong…

Ada lg yg berlaku, tp cukup dulu setakat ni. Mls nk tulis. Makin tulis, makin terasa marah dgn diri sendiri.

Wassalam…

the land of beer and chocolate

2006-11-23T00:20:00.000+01:00

Dh agak lama aku bermastautin di bumi yg terkenal dengan beer dan coklat ni.. Pejam celik, dh lebih sebulan rupa2nya. Hati terasa rindu nk kembali ke Malaysia; nk jumpa ma dan keluarga, nk jumpa insan yg dirindui, nk jumpa kwn2, nk tgk wayang, nk mkn kfc & sekutu2nya, dan panjang lg list yg ada dalam kepala aku. Tapi skrg ni, kena tumpukan perhatian kepada pelajaran. Sbb tu aku dh makin jarang timbul online skrg ni.. Maaf kepada yg hantar email, tapi lambat berbalas, yg ym tapi x terlayan. Kalau mlm2, insyaAllah boleh aku luangkan masa utk berym.

Skrg ni, aku nk belajar masak kacang buncis. Jadi kepada chef Hassilah ngan chef Noor, sila sumbangkan resipi kepada aku yg masih amatur ni. Kepada kengkawan lain pun, kalau tahu masak kacang buncis, kongsi2 la resipi. Kalau ada resipi yg berteraskan ayam, lagi bagus. Weekend ni baru nk masak, sbb weekday x sempat nk masak banyak2 lauk. Lgpun, dh 3 - 4 hari x ke kedai, sbb konon2nya risau “over budget”. Tambah2 lagi bila Hassilah bagitau yg belanja makan aku untuk setengah bulan, hampir sama dengan jumlah belanja makan beliau untuk sebulan! Risau bila aku dengar mcm tu. Jadi, aku akn memulakan langkah berjimat cermat setakat yg aku mampu. Xkn aku nk tamatkan pengajian aku dalam keadaan pokai kn. Kena jugak simpan duit sikit, nk bergembira di Malaysia nnti.

Tiba2 aku teringat kata2 yg pernah aku baca di JENAN... " datang dengan harapan, pulang dengan kejayaan"
insyaAllah

hidup ini bagaikan roda

2006-11-21T18:14:00.000+01:00

Aku bersiar jap dekat intenet, dan terserempak satu blog dengan tajuk yg menarik: “hidup ini bagaikan roda”.. sebenarnya aku dh lupa apa tajuk entry tuan punya blog ni. So, x dikira menciplak la kn.

Bila sembang pasal mende2 camni, slalu je jadi emosi x stabil :p Ada2 je aku ni kn. Aku nk story pasal lawatan aku ke Kedutaan Besar Malaysia di Ave de Tervuren Jumaat lepas. Kalau sesapa yg baca entry aku pd hari raya lepas, mmg entry tu penuh dengan ketidakpuasan hati dengan pihak kedutaan. Jadi, aku bertolak ke kedutaan dengan hati yg berbelah bahagi sebenarnya. Xnk pergi, aku mmg terpaksa pergi. Nk pergi, takut aku naik angin lak dekat kedutaan tu nnti. Jadi, dlm nk xnk tu, aku melangkah juga ke tram stop. Naik tram no 81, menuju ke Montgomery. Di Montgomery, tukar tram, naik tram no 44 ke arah Tervuren. Kebetulan bila aku turun dr tram tu, ada sorg akak yg nampak mcm2 muka Melayu. Tah camne aku boleh agak dia tu Melayu, hahaha. Sebenarnya akak tu pakai tudung 3 segi. Jadi, boleh la agak2 kn. Org dekat sini, tudung diorg stail lain sikit. Jadi, aku pn bagi salam n tanya akak tu, org Malaysia ke? Of course la, tepat jangkaan aku. Husband akak tu kerja dekat kedutaan. So, dia nk ke sana utk jumpa husband dia. Sempat aku sembang skjp dengan akak x (dh lupa nama dia). Kemudian, masuk ke kedutaan, dan isi borang pendaftaran pelajar Malaysia sambil menunggu appointment aku pagi tu. Pertemuan 4 mata aku dengan org yg uruskn pelajar2 Malaysia berjalan dengan baik. Kebetulan pagi tu terserempak dengan duta. Sempat la kenal dengan diorg. Layanan diorg sangat baik. Persepsi aku terhadap pihak kedutaan pun dh makin berubah. Cuma dua perkara lagi yg aku tunggu untuk betul2 mengubah persepsi aku terhadap diorg:

1- email dr kedutaan yg mengandungi maklumat pelajar2 malaysia di sini (dijanjikan akn dihantar kepada aku)

2- panggilan telefon yg dijanjikan oleh duta

Sounds stupid, right? Seboleh2nya, aku memnag xnk berprasangka buruk dengan pihak kedutaan ni. Tapi, kalau cakap nk buat, aku harap buat la betul2. Jangan suka menabur janji, tapi x reti nk tepati. Ni tidak, waktu jumpa, bukan main baik lagi. Tapi lepas tu, masih xde feedback sampai skrg. Secara peribadi, aku lebih suka memilih untuk mempercayai org lain. sebabnya amat mudah: aku nk org lain mempercayai aku, maka aku terlebih dahulu akn cuba mempercayai org lain (I'm not saying that I'm a good person, but that's my style). Tapi bila sekali somebody buat hal (buat taik, kalau bahasa kasarnya), capat la aku mengamuk nnti :p..

** apa kaitan dengan hidup ni macam roda? Haha, aku pn xtau. Main ikut sedap tulis je. Hari ni, keadaan aku agak x stabil. Rasa macam ada sesuatu yg x kena. Entah la, sesekali terasa sedih, kemudian tetiba rasa happy. Dalam sekelip mata je, perasaan berubah2. Xkn muda2 dh ada masalah mental…
cukup dulu, makin lama, makin merapu

have to take some rest.

Au revoir..

YM, Skype, MSN, and FreeCall

2006-11-19T22:07:00.000+01:00

Makin hari, terasa makin sibuk.. Skrg pn dah rasa makin malas nk mengemaskini blog. Tapi, nk xnk, tiap2 hari aku perlu buka, tengok, belek, dan sesekali update blog. Kalau x, sunyi rasanya… memang sunyi…

Anyway, I’ll try to update as frequent as I can… But I wonder what will happen to me, if I don’t even have time to use YM, Skype, MSN, or FreeCall. I actually don’t have much time to use all those “facilities”, but still I can’t resist myself using them. Guess that I’m just too tired of being alone.

sebak...

2006-11-18T09:23:00.000+01:00

Sambil khusyuk mendengar khutbah Jumaat yg aku x paham2, tiba2 aku terkenangkan allahyarham abah yg dh tiada. Tiba2 aku terasa sayu, terasa sebak yg tak dapat aku kawal, dan air mata aku menitik jatuh. Aku terkenangkan memori aku bersama abah, terkenang kenakalan aku dari kecil yg banyak menyusahkan abah, terkenang saat2 abah memarahi aku atas kedegilan dan kenakalan aku, terkenang segala kata- kata dan nasihat2 abah kepada aku, dan terkenang perbualan terakhir aku dengan abah; teringat silap dan salah aku yg tak terkira pada abah; terbayang kesusahan yg abah tanggung untuk menyekolahkan dan mendidik aku. Yg tak dapat aku bayangkan ialah pengorbanan abah yg terlalu banyak selama membesarkan aku. Pengorbanan yg tak sempat aku balas semasa hidup abah… insyaAllah, aku cuba balas selagi aku masih bernyawa.

Abah adalah insan yg paling banyak memberi perangsang dan sokongan kepada aku untuk meneruskan pengajian sehingga ke peringkat ini. Aku sedih bila abah tak dapat menghadiri hari pengijazahan sewaktu aku menerima ijazah sarjana muda. Dan sewaktu aku menerima ijazah sarjana, abah sudahpun menerima panggilan Ilahi.. Namun aku tahu abah berpuas hati dengan aku, abah gembira dengan pencapaian semua anak abah. Bagi aku, abah telah menjalankan tanggungjawab beliau dengan penuh tanggungjawab dan sempurna. Tak ada lagi yg perlu aku minta daripada abah sebagai seorang anak.

Semoga abah sentiasa berada dalam limpahan rahmat dan keampunanNya… Amin…

new menu

2006-11-16T20:01:00.001+01:00

Blog ni akn berteraskan masakan pulak ke? Takde la aku bercadang nk menulis pasal masak memasak je dekat sini. Tapi atas permintaan sumber resipi ni, sekali lagi dipaparkan hasil masakan selama lebih kurang setengah jam (Silah, aku lupa masak nasi sebab asyik sangat masak lauk ni). Daging Kambing Masak Ala Silah & Sidek.. Terima kasih kepada Cik Hassilah dari Blindern, Oslo dan En Sidek dr Kuala Terengganu. Menu ni diwariskan turun temurun dari En Sidek kepada Cik Hassilah, kemudian kepada aku di Ixelles. Bahan asal untuk memasak lauk ni ialah daging lembu. Tapi atas kegagalan aku memahami bahasa Perancis, maka aku terbeli daging kambing. Bila dh makan, baru sedar yg tu bukan daging lembu, sebaliknya daging kambing. Takpe, yg penting sedap kn.

Hari ni pn macam biasa, baca buku yg sangat sukar difahami. Mungkin bukan kandungan buku tu yg susah, tapi aku yg lambat faham. Aku teringat kata2 beberapa org yg pernah aku temui; "kalau tak faham sekali, baca lagi sampai 20 kali. insyaAllah faham" - Hafiz, Sheffield
"takpe kalau tak faham sekarang. lama2 nanti faham la" - Cikgu Rahman, JENAN

Bagus jugak belajar menda2 yg susah difahami ni. Sekurang2nya aku akn lebih kuat berusaha, sekurang2nya aku sedar yg masih banyak perkara yg perlu aku pelajari, dan yg paling penting aku sedar yg aku ni masih lemah, banyak kekurangan yg masih perlu diperbaiki, banyak ruang kosong di dada aku yg masih perlu diisi.

Sama2 kita menuntut ilmu, hehehe..

Wassalam

the meaning of success

2006-11-16T12:41:00.000+01:00

Ni satu quote dr Ralph Waldo Emerson (if I’m not mistaken). Suka sangat dengan quote ni. Kalau waktu susah hati @ bermasalah @ hilang semangat, aku suka baca balik quote ni. Jadi, to my friend yg sedang x tenteram tu, semoga dapat sesuatu. Harap2 dapat membantu dari jauh…

The Meaning of Success

To earn the respect of intelligences and to win the affection of children;
To appreciate the beauty in nature and all that surrounds us;
To seek out and nurture the best in others;
To give the gift of yourself to others without the slightest thought of return, for it is in giving that we receive;
To have accomplished a task, whether it be saving a lost soul, healing a sick child, writing a book, or risking your life for a friend;
To have celebrated and laughed with great joy and enthusiasm and sung with exaltation;
To have hope even in times of despair, for as long as you have hope, you have life;
To love and be loved;
To understand and to be understood;
To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
This is the meaning of success.

menu hari ini - mee sup special

2006-11-15T19:39:00.000+01:00

Hari ni cuaca agak ok, tak terlalu sejuk macam hari2 sebelumnya. Jadi, tak perlu pakai mafela dan sarung tangan dalam perjalanan ke IRIDIA. Sambil berjalan, langkah kaki aku susun dengan berhati2; beberapa ketul najis berat kelihatan di sepanjang perjalanan ke IRIDIA. Bahaya ni, kalau terpijak, satu hal pulak nk cari tanah utk basuh mende tu.

Makan malam - masak mee / spaghetti sup pertama aku di sini. Macam biasa, rasa agak ok, hehehe. Sila rujuk gambar :D Nampak macam best x? Bagi aku, sedap… Mungkin sebab aku yg masak, aku rasa sedap, kn. Aku masukkan satu jenis sayur misteri dalam mi sup ni; bentuk sayur tu lebih kurang macam lobak, tapi daun sayur tu nampak berkilat, mcm ada lilin. Rasa daun dia ok, tapi batang sayur tu, rasa mcm tanah! Aku tak tau sayur apa, main beli je dekat kedai. Jadi, sambil2 makan, sambil2 aku kutip buang balik batang sayur tu… membazir je rasanya. Harga sayur tu, 1,28 euro. Rasa2nya boleh tahan sebulan, sebab banyak sangat dan aku memang malas sikit masak sayur2 ni. Tapi kalau takde sayur, rasa tak lengkap pulak… jadi, beli jugak untuk simpanan.

dinner 15 Nov, 2006
mee sup special

Berbalik kepada isu mee sup tadi, yg nampak merah2 dalam mee sup tu, 4 hiris tomato segar dr kedai Pakistan. Yg kaler hijau tu, sayur misteri dengan lada hijau. Yg kuning, telur yg direbus bersama2 mee sup. Telur tu terhancur pulak, nampak messy kan? Takpe la, yg penting aku dh kenyang dan puas hati.

Today is still a good and happy day. Terima kasih kepada kawan2 yg selalu tegur menegur di YM, Skype, MSN, email, sms, tepon, dll. My life became easier and happier when I knew you guys.

Au revoir…

from this moment

2006-11-13T09:03:00.000+01:00

Entry terakhir yg disertakan dengan lagu (I’ll try not to add anymore song :p).. Dh cukup rasanya dengan beberapa buah lagu yg jiwang2…. Lagu yg terakhir ni bkn lagu sedih, tp berbentuk penyampaian dan pengharapan. I love this song, more than my previous favourite song, Sway by Bic Runga. Anyway, I wish that everything will proceed as I hoped and planned, towards a blissful ending. And I want to dedicate this beautiful song just for you (u know who you are) and for others, just enjoy the song.

From This Moment – Shania Twain (click to download)

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
I can't wait to live my life with you, I can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

ntah

2006-11-12T10:23:00.000+01:00

my first home made spaghetti in Belgium (with extra cheese, hehe).. guess what? its delicious

church besides the Flagey lake

flowers everywhere

not a lonely road anymore?

3,50 euro.. berbaloi ke...

Keluar ke Tasik Flagey, dengan niat nk cari sayur2an segar.. Tapi sayur2an yg bermacam2 tu, kebanyakannya aku x kenal. Jadi xnk la beli, menghabiskan duit je. Jadi, beli sedikit buah2an sambil melihat keindahan alam... ada pelbagai jenis roti, keju, buah2an, daging dan bunga. Semua segar2, dan bunga2 agak murah. Cuaca agak sejuk. Buah2 yg aku beli, rasa mcm buah dalam peti ais, sejukkk... Skrg aku masih x ada bajet untuk habiskan duit beli menda2 merapu mcm bunga2an lg. InsyaAllah, satu hari nanti...

a few more pics

2006-11-11T14:34:00.000+01:00

lunchbox, bekal mkn tengahari (fries, fish fingers, nasi goreng berempah)

lonely road? seronoknya kalau ada teman :p

everyday is a song for holiday?

Istana, lupe apa nama tempat ni... ambil gambar dalam keadaan hujan rintik2

Jam yg ganjil

Central Square, pelancong x terlalu ramai sebab... hujan

Central Square, masih lengang di pagi hari

Central Square, kebanyakan pelancong pg ni dr Jepung

SleepingLady (bukan nama sebenar)... semua pengunjung yg datang akan usap patung ni dan buat wish. masih x dapat dikesan, siapakah perempuan ini

pun tak tau apa nama bangunan ni.. sangat2 cantik

tempat ni dh lawa, tapi lens kamera ada bekas jari

art?

town hall dari bawah... silau...

beberapa keping gambar town hall.. malas nk sambung, jadi cuma letak macam ni shj. bangunan yg sangat cantik.. semoga anda berpeluang ke sini

Sekian lawatan beberapa jam (3 hours to be exact) di sekitar Brussels. Niat untuk meneruskan lawatan tidak tercapai akibat hujan rintik2, dan hidung aku dh "sroot2", dan bersin yg berterusan. Sebenarnya, hampir semua gambar kabur, sebab ada kesan jari pada lens kamera. Hasil jurugambar amatur, biasa la. Asalkan ada, ok la kan.

Kedai2 kebanyakannya ditutup hari ni. Jadi, aku x dapat survey harga brg2 dkt sini, sori Iwan. Yg aku sempat tgk, harga brg2 komputer mmg jauh lebih mhl berbanding dengan Malaysia. Barang2 lain, lain kali lak aku survey. Aku teringin nk buka satu kedai bahan2 makanan dr Malaysia (mungkin sebab aku susah jumpa dekat sini kot).. Di Ixelles, banyak terdapat kedai bahan2 dr India, Pakistan, China, Thailand, ... tapi bkn Malaysia... Kalau ada jual bahan masakan dari Malaysia, atau makanan macam satay kajang... insyaAllah laku... aiseh, teringat satay kajang pulak. Tadi baru terliur minum teh o sejuk... Xpe, sape yg buat terliur air teh o tu, nnti nk buat air yg lagi best...

Ciao

an early day

2006-11-10T09:28:00.000+01:00

Hari ni aku ke IRIDIA agak awal, pkl 8 pagi, dengan niat nk chat (bkn nk wat keje). Nk sembang2 kejap. Kemudian, aku dapat email yg kredit skype yg aku “order” minggu lepas dh dpt. Apa lagi… terus je call Ma dekat KB. Last time aku cakap dengan Ma, ialah waktu raya puasa hari tu. Dh lama kn. Tapi skrg aku dh dapat call cuba call beberapa Alan, K Na, Muazzang tp sume x dpt. Baru teringat, Kelantan Tganu, Pahang, Kedah kn cuti hr ni…

11.30 – Naik bas depan IRIDIA ke Flagey; balik rumah utk tukar baju, stoking, mkn beberapa sudu Haagen Dazs :D..

12.00 – Naik bas dr Flagey ke De Bruckere

12.35 – Underground dr De Bruckere ke Schuman

12.50 – Sampai di Centre of Islamic Belgique

2.30 – Sampai balik di IRIDIA, teruskan tugas seharian…

Mlm ni x pyh masak, cuma panaskan lauk ayam masak merah semalam dan tanak nasi. Bsk nk pusing2 bandar, jadi kena siap2 dr mlm ni sbb bsk nk bawak bekal makanan. Kalau blh, nk keluar awal2, sblm matahari naik utk ambik gmbr. Mula2, aku ajak K Wan join pusing2 Brussels, tp K Wan x dpt ikut. Lgpun, dia dr Antwerp. Mcm mana pun, aku kena keluar jugak besok. Dh janji dgn Ad, nk amik gmbr pemandangan di Brussels, dh janji dgn Iwan nk tgk harga brg2. Nk buat bisnes import export kononnya kitorg ni…

Ok la, have to go now. Nk masak supper, tido…

Ciao...

a bad day?

2006-11-09T10:16:00.000+01:00

my beloved cat, but he's gone...

and my favourite picture

and lastly, my kitchen

Hari yg sangat sibuk… Hari ni berbincang dengan penyelia tentang perkembangan pengajian. Masih banyak yg perlu aku pelajari, terlalu banyak sebenarnya. Hari ni bincang2 pasal asymptotic notation; theta notation, big-o, small-o, big-omega, small-omega, monotonicity, floors & ceiling, modular arithmetic, polinomials, exponentials, logarithms, factorials, functional iterations, iterated logarithm, fibonacci, golden ratio.. and the list continues… arrgh, pening kepala baca mende2 ni. Nk chat pn x sempat hr ni. Kalau x chat, mesti akn rasa sunyi balik. Nasib baik ada tempat nk tulis2, merapu2, membebel2, mengutuk2, mengata2 ni.

Satu berita yg tak best aku dapat ptg td dr Kak Wan; hari Jumaat ni, rancangan kami untuk ke Kedutaan Besar Malaysia terpaksa dibatalkan lg, sebab org yg berkenaan sibuk minggu ni! Ni dah kali kedua berturut2, temu janji dibatalkan, tak termasuk kesibukan kedutaan semasa sambutan hari raya hr tu! Makin lama, makin pelik rasanya dengan sikap pegawai Kedutaan Besar Malaysia. Aku harap, dengan wujudnya kedutaan dekat sini, akn kurang sikit beban @ kesusahan yg ada, ni tidak… Susah sangat ke nk jumpa kami, barang sejam dua? Makin lama, makin tawar hati untuk ke sana. Satu2nya sebab aku terpaksa ke sana; elaun akan dimasukkan melalui kedutaan. Jadi, nk xnk terpaksa jugak g kedutaan untuk serahkan maklumat2 yg perlu. Mmm, dh la, mrh2 pn x guna. Harap2 keadaan akn menjadi bertambah baik.

Cuaca hari ni agak sejuk. Dalam perjalanan ke IRIDIA pagi tadi, suhu mencecah 5^oC. Dalam perjalanan, hidung aku “sroot… sroot…”. Terpaksa bernafas melalui mulut, sbb xnk apa2 cecair meleleh dr hidung ni, hehe. Teruk la mcm ni. Harap2, aku x demam. Insurans kesihatan aku masih x buat lg. Sebelum buat insurans kesihatan, kena g jumpa kedutaan besar dulu. Kedutaan lagi! Bila mende ni nk setel?

Tiba2, terasa nk g Langkawi (bkn tiba2 btl, tp ada somebody cite psl Langkawi, rasa cam best lak). Maka, aku pn pasang angan2 nk ke sana bila balik Malaysia nnti. Sape nk ikut? Aku dh pernah ke Langkawi bersama keluarga, pernah bersama kawan2, pernah juga ke Langkawi sorg2. Dan aku dh xnk ke sana sorg2… walaupn best, ada sesuatu yg x kena, rasa x lengkap kalau g sorg2. Tambah2 pulak skrg ni aku dh tinggal sorg2, mkn sorg2, minum sorg2, masak sorg2, jalan2 sorg2, tido sorg2, nyanyi sorg2, senang sorg2, susah sorg2, cakap sorg2 je blom lg. Harap2, jangan la sampai tahap cakap sorg2 nnti. Kalau weekend, baru aku ada peluang mkn dengan K Wan @ Eric. Sebenarnya, kengkawan pejabat slalu ajak lunch. Tapi camne nk mkn, daging babi tetiap hr ada dlm menu kantin. Walaupun mkn makanan vegetarian, masih jugak bercampur alat2 yg digunakan dengan daging babi td. Geli la... Yucks…

Ape yg bad day tah? X teruk sangat.. Cuma hati ni yg x tahan rindu, sebab tu jadi bad day… Other than that, I’m still ok, still alive, still survive, and hopefully still have the strength to move forward…

dreams

2006-11-07T21:18:00.000+01:00

Satu hari yg sangat sibuk, hehehe.. Persediaan untuk perbincangan bersama Thomas dan Mauro besok. Tapi aku masih sempat chat, sempat sembang2. Sempat curi masa untuk berkomunikasi, berhibur, berbual2.

Rasanya aku pernah tulis tentang “dreams”.. Saje terasa nk tulis lagi, sbb baru sembang2 dgn Ad. Kalau guna perkataan angan2, bunyi macam xkan tercapai je kn. Jadi, aku akn guna perkata “impian”. Mungkin bagi sesetengah org, mempunyai impian adalah satu yg perkara tak diambil kisah. Tapi bg aku, impian adalah salah satu sumber semangat aku, salah satu sumber kekuatan aku selama ni. Bila kwn2 tanya, aku selalu cakap:

“I love dreaming about things that I like, things that I hope will happen to me. At least, when I’m dreaming about it, I’m happy. If my dream comes true, then I’ll be satisfied for the second time. If not, at least I was happy once.” Lebih kurang la ayat aku, bkn sebijik2 mcm ni, hehe. Memang dlm hati ni terasa takut, terasa risau apa yg dicita2kn x tercapai. Tapi kalau x cuba, mana nk tau, kn. I have to try, at least... And hope for the best. And of course, strive for the best (believe me, I will).

Bila aku cakap pada kawan2 aku mcm ni, mcm2 komen diorg. Komen terbaru, yg paling aku suka dgr.. “it’s kind of sweet” (walaupun pendek, tapi bermakna bg aku) … komen2 yg x best, xnk la tulis dekat sini... Mengganggu mood pulak kn. Cuma nk tulis perkara2 yg menggembirakan je, sbb hati tgh hepi. Semoga hari2 seterusnya akn menjadi lebih baik.

Ciao

misteri rempah kari yg hilang

2006-11-06T19:47:00.000+01:00

Salam…
Cukup la dengan lagu2 jiwang buat sementara waktu, kang Silah gelakkn aku lg, hahaha (aku ada lagu best lg tau Silah).

Hr ni, sambil2 nk masak nasi ayam, aku periksa balik stok rempah2 yg aku ada… Musykil pulak, nape rempah kari ayam dalam kabinet dapur masih belum terusik? Sedangkan hr tu aku dh masak Kari Ayam Spesel. Camne bleh rempah tak terusik pulak kn… Tambah situ, tolak sini, belek sana, bukak sini... rupa2nya aku guna rempah kari ikan untuk masak Kari Ayam Spesel hr tu. Tapi xpe la, sedap je aku mkn hr tu. Musykil gak, camne blh tersilap guna. Tp ok je, xde masalah pape pn.

Mlm ni, msk nasi ayam. Sup utk nasi ayam dh sedap, hehe. Tapi, nasi ayam lak x menjadi. Camne nk buat bagi lg sedap ni ? Nasi ayam ni pn x sempurna la; kicap xde, sos pn guna yg ready-made je. Tapi masih rasa mcm nasi ayam, masih layak digelar nasi ayam (walaupun x sesedap nasi ayam yg Ma masak @ nasi ayam Gemas sumbangan Mun). Lain kali kena cuba masak lg, nk wat lg best. Nnti nk buat jamuan untuk membe2 ofis pulak. Kena la bg terer masak dulu kn, kalo x, malu la Malaysia. Lagipun, rumah masih xde perabot. Kalau ajak diorg pn, kena mkn bersila la jawabnya. Tunggu la masa yg sesuai, insyaAllah.

home

2006-11-06T10:42:00.000+01:00

Home, lagu oleh Michael Buble. Hehe, jiwang je skang kn. Even though I’m not in Paris or Rome, I think the song still suits me. I can still remember the first few days I was here. When I was standing in the middle of the famous Central Square, with hundreds of tourists around me, yet I felt sooo lonely. And when I saw those tourists walking with joy, together with their family, their beloved one, I felt even worse…

Enjoy the lyrics, will ya?

"Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Babe I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
'Cause I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
That this is not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

a good day

2006-11-05T17:45:00.000+01:00

i'm having a good day
and i hope the coming days will be even better

thanks to you

aku yg ber"peti ais"

2006-11-05T13:38:00.000+01:00

8.15 pg, aku ke IRIDIA utk on9; check email dan chat kejap. Rasa x lengkap je kalau x chat. Smlm x dpt nk on9, wifi free slalu mslh. Tp biasa la, barang free… Pkl 8.35, sampai di IRIDIA dan online. Reply beberapa email penting, dan dapat email dr Dominic, tentang appointment kitorg pkl 10 kejap lg, utk tgk peti sejuk dekat rmh dia. Jadi, dekat2 pkl 9 aku g tunggu bas no 71 utk ke Porte de Namur. Dari Porte de namur, naik bas no 54 utk trn di Ma Champagne. Macam biasa, aku terlajak satu perhentian bas lepas Ma Champagne (my sense of direction is terrible). Lepas tu, cari apartment Dominic, dan jumpa dia dan wife dia. Memang dua2 org baik sgt. Ada 2 org anak, sorg laki dan sorg pompuan. Comel2 jek… Jadi lepas aku tgk keadaan peti sejuk tu.. wow, memang macam baru, dan harga yg sgt ok ; 100 euro shj. Dan Dominic akn tlg hantarkn peti sejuk ni ke apartment aku. Sampai di apartment dalam pkl 11 pg (Dominic tlg angkat ke apartment aku di tingkat 3), dan dengan rasminya aku dah ada peti sejuk… yeay, dh bertambah harta aku dekat sini. Dominic dan isteri dia baru pindah rumah. Jadi, masih ada beberapa brg yg dia nk jual, termasuk televisyen. Aku dh tengok tv tu, dan dh book awal2 utk beli tv tu. Masih baru jugak, brand Samsung. Wife Dominic bgtau, diorg nk jual kurg dr 100 euro. Mcm best je kan.

Cuma mslh skrg ni, duit aku hanya ada 96,66 euro shj. Duit ni aku perlu jimat2 sampai bank draft aku “clear”, mungkin akn ambil masa lg dua minggu. Harap2 cek aku sempat clear sblm diorg nk jual tv tu J . Dan satu perkara yg sangat2 x patut aku buat, ialah bawak kad ATM bank aku yg mengandungi duit gaji aku ke sini! Terbawak sbnarnya, sbb memang dh plan untuk tinggalkan mende tu di Malaysia. Tapi, last2 minit terlupa pulak untuk tinggalkan kad tu, jadi dh terbawak ke sini. Macam mana la aku nk survive dengan belanja yg mhl dekat sini? Elaun aku memang x mencukupi untuk perbelanjaan bulanan aku:

Sewa - 485 euro
Elektrik - 30 – 40 euro
Insurans - 30 euro
Makan - 200 euro
Tiket - 20 euro
Internet - 30 euro (masih dalam perancangan)

Sekurang2nya aku perlukan 800 euro untuk sebulan di sini. Nk xnk, aku perlu hantar kad ATM ke Malaysia. Macam mana nk hantar kad ATM aku ke Malaysia? Kalau ada stargate kan senang…

a few pics

2006-11-05T08:50:00.000+01:00

ni beberapa keping gambar pemandangan di Flagey Lake, 3 minit dr apartment aku

another shot

ni patung makhluk ape tah, x sempat nk tengok dekat2... sejuk

Ni je yg sempat upload hr ni. Mungkin lain kali boleh upload gambar2 lain. Hari ni ada hal skjp. Ciao...

lonely...

2006-11-05T08:44:00.000+01:00

Waaa, I’m so lonely right now… memula, aku nk guna perkataan “bored”. Tapi rasanya lonely lebih sesuai. Physically and mentally alone. Aku boleh keluar jumpa dengan kawan2 dari IRIDIA, atau keluar dengan Eric… tapi rasa masih ada sesuatu yg x cukup walaupun aku keluar dengan diorg.

Aku teringat balik, kenapa aku nk sambung pengajian aku cepat2. Kononnya nk membawa diri… konon2nya la kn. Kononnya nk bersendirian, xnk gangguan dr sesiapa. Nk bawak diri jauh2 setelah gagal bercinta. Skrg, baru aku tahu mcm mana rasanya sorg2. Baru sedar betapa bertuahnya aku sewaktu di Malaysia, dikelilingi keluarga dan rakan2. Di Belgium ni, member dr Malaysia yg paling hampir dengan aku ialah Kak Wan, pensyarah dr UUM yg belajar di Antwerpen Uni, 50 km dr Brussels. Apa pn, aku bersyukur sebab dapat peluang ke sini. Dapat peluang belajar di tempat org, dpt peluang mempelajari budaya org, dpt peluang betul2 berdikari. Dapat menguji semangat aku yg masih x berapa kental… senang cakap, masih lemah la…

Dlm fikiran, memang terasa serik nk bercinta , atau bergelumang dengan masalah cinta. Tapi mslh hati, memang x dpt nk dijangka. Kadang kala, tanpa sedar rasa suka kepada seseorang mula berputik dalam hati, mula terbayang2dalam kepala, mula tertanya2 apa yg dia sedang lakukan skrg….

Tapi, kasih syg yg mudah diperolehi, biasanya mudah jugak hilang. Aku perlu lebih berhati2 untuk bercinta. Banyak lagi perlu aku pelajari, yg perlu aku ambil iktibar berpandukan pengalaman2 lalu.

Semoga aku menjadi semakin kuat dan tabah

a surprise visit

2006-11-05T08:42:00.000+01:00

Sabtu, Nov 4, 2006

Firdaus (my brother) telefon dari Bingen, dan bagitau yg dia bersama2 kawan2 dia nk datang ke sini untuk jalan2. Mungkin minggu depan atau minggu depan2. Hehe, dh lama x jumpa adik aku ni, dh dekat setahun sebab dia lebih dahulu melanjutkan pengajian berbanding aku. Lega… xde la boring sangat weekend tu nanti. Mungkin beberapa org yg akn datang ke sini. Jadi, budak2 laki boleh lepak apartment aku je. Memang muat kalau setakat 10 org yg dtg; tapi tdo atas lantai la, berbantalkan lengan. Budak2 pompuan, kena stay dekat hostel. Leceh kalau budak2 pompuan pn dok sini sekali.

Baru je aku buka buku Algorithmic, ada seseorang tekan loceng apartment aku… Sorg perempuan yg aku x pnh knl ckp pd aku yg dia kenal tuan apartment sblm aku, dan dia maklumkan pada aku bahawa dia dalam perancangan untuk buat satu penggambaran video dari dalam apartment aku (pemandangan luar apartment). Jadi, aku jemput dia masuk dulu untuk sembang2, apa sbnrnya yg dia perlukan. Wow, she’s gorgeous :D but a lot older than me, hehehe… Jadi dia terangkan la, yg dia ni dari satu persatuan yg aku x paham sgt penerangan dia. Ni tmpt dia kerja, baca la sendiri… PTTL. Lepas sembang2, paham la aku yg dia nk mintak kebenaran aku untuk buat penggambaran dari dalam apartment aku. Waa, macam best sgt je bunyi, kn ? Aku kata, ok je, tapi bukan minggu ni atau minggu depan. Hujung minggu yg seterusnya, mungkin boleh. Apa pn, aku maklumkan dia supaya telefon aku dulu bila dia dh bersedia untuk datang ke sini. sambil sembang2 dengan Nadine (ni nama dia), aku tanya dia, mana boleh aku dapatkan perabot dan alatan elektrik yg murah2 ? Nadine kata, x jauh dari apartment aku ada kedai second hand yg jual alat2 elektrik. Dia bagi peta dua buah kedai second hand. Lepas Nadine balik, aku solat zohor, dan keluar jalan2 melawat kawasan lg.. Senang je jumpa kedai2 tu, dalam 10 minit dari apartment aku. Tapi malangnya kedua2 kedai tutup hr ni. Mungkin aku akn pergi balik besok atau lusa untuk tgk brg2 dlm kedai tu. Dalam perjalanan ke kedai2 td, aku jumpa dua lg kedai daging halal, dan beberapa buah kedai makanan halal. Seronok aku… Kemudian terjumpa satu kedai cina, juga terletak di antara apartment aku dan kedai brg2 second hand tu. Saja masuk tgk2. Nampak beras lawa je yg dijual dekat kedai tu. Jadi, aku beli 2 kilo. 2,20 Euro. Kemudian singgah beli telur, fish stick dan cili boh. Xtau lg nk masak ape utk besok… rasa mls lak. Mb nk makan fish stick dengan nasi je… Untuk mlm ni, Kari Spesel dan Ayam Goreng smlm masih ada lg.

Barang2 yg nk pesan dr mesia :

Gula melaka
Tepung pulut
Daun pandan (nk buat onde2 dan tanam)
Biskut raya
Rempah2
Perencah nasi goreng, nasi beriyani
Serbuk kunyit
Halia, lengkuas, serai kering
Kicap n budu (boleh ke?)
Cili padi (nk mkn dan tanam)
Kopi, teh dan milo
Serbuk santan
Bahan2 lain (jintan manis, bunga cengkih, dan sedara2 mereka)
Karipap mini, kulit popia gulung + serunding
Perencah sup

Banyak lg bekal bhn masakan dr mesia yg aku bawak dulu, tp x lengkap… serbuk santan, perencah nasi goreng, ayam masak merah, daging masak lada hitam masih ada beberapa paket lg. Tapi mende2 cam kulit kayu manis, pelaga hendi (betul ke aku eja ni), bunga cengkih, etc… masih xtau mana nk beli mende2 ni. Haha, dh kempunan aku dekat sini.

Kedutaan Besar Malaysia

2006-11-03T18:54:00.000+01:00

Satu lagi hari telah bermula, dan bakal berakhir.. Apa yg aku dapat hari ni? Apa pengajaran yg telah aku kutip? Hehehe, kita tunggu dan lihat...

Pagi, bergerak ke Ixelles Town Hall sekali lagi dengan niat untuk mendaftarkan diri aku sebagai pemastautin di pekan Ixelles. Pukul 9.05 pagi, aku sampai di Town Hall yg letaknya lebih kurang 7 minit dari apartment aku. AlhamdulilLah, x ramai sgt org dekat dalam. X sampai 10 org pn. Jadi, aku ambil tiket dan lepak2 dekat dalam tu. Kemudian, terdetik hati aku nk sembang2 dengan org yg jaga kaunter pertanyaan di town hall tu. Dan.... rupa2nya pendaftaran kali pertama kena buat di pejabat lain, bukan dekat pejabat town hall yg ni! Nasib baik aku tanya brader kaunter tu, dia bagi peta dan no telefon untuk ke pejabat pendaftaran tu. Macam mana la aku boleh salah tempat ni. Jadi, aku telefon dulu pejabat pendaftaran, dan rupa2nya perlu buat temu janji dulu pulak. Lecehnya prosedur nk mendaftar dekat Belgium ni. Dan lepas sembang2 beberapa minit menggunakan kredit aku yg dh nk habis, aku berjaya tetapkan satu temu janji pada 20 Disember 2006... diulang, 20 Disember 2006. I’m really amazed with the unefficiency of the registration system!

Lepas tu, aku teruskan perjalanan ke IRIDIA. Yeay, aku bawak kamera hr ni, jadi boleh snap beberapa keping gambar pemandangan dalam perjalanan ke IRIDIA. Sempat ambik beberapa keping gambar, tapi bila nk upload dekat sini, slow sangat pulak... jadi, mungkin aku akan upload bila aku masuk ofis Isnin nanti.

Sampai di ofis, study sikit.. kemudian cari Amin, sbb dia ajak minum kopi pg ni. Tapi xde la pulak Amin ni, mane ntah menghilang budak ni. Aku lepak dekat bilik Thomas sambil baca Algorithmic, dan chat...

Aku sembang2 mll Skype dengan K Wan dari Antwerpen University (about 50 km from Brussels). Kitorang bincang tentang rancangan untuk ke Kedutaan Besar Malaysia, untuk daftar sebagai pelajar Malaysia. Elaun pun akan dimasukkan melalui kedutaan, jadi nak tak nak memang kena hubungi kedutaan ni. Sebenarnya aku dah naik bosan dengan sikap pegawai kedutaan yang meng”anak tirikan” kami. Aku sedar, bagi diorang aku ni x membawa apa2 faedah pn. Tapi aku pn rakyat Malaysia jugak! Kalau ikutkan rancangan asal, aku dan K Wan rancang uk ke kedutaan pagi tadi. Tapi sebab pegawai kedutaan sibuk skrg ni, kitorang diarahkan mendaftar minggu depan! Kedutaan Besar Malaysia tak dapat luangkan sedikit masa untuk jumpa kami, sebab mereka perlu anjurkan satu majlis tari menari untuk MABL (Malaysian Association of Belgium & Luxembourg! Penting sangat ke majlis tari menari tu, sampaikan xleh luangkan masa barang sejam untuk jumpa kami? Apa fungsi kedutaan ni sebenarnya? Emosi la pulak, hehe...

Pukul 12.45, aku keluar dari IRIDIA, menuju ke perhentian bas untuk balik ke apartment, kemudian terus ke masjid. Tapiiiiii, malang seribu kali malang bila aku tersedar yg aku dh terlepas waktu solat Jumaat. Pukul 12.37 dh masuk waktu Jumaat. Jadi, memang tak sempat aku nk ke masjid (lebih kurang setengah jam perjalanan, tak termasuk waktu menunggu; naik bas ke De Brouckere, kemudian dari De Brouckere naik underground ke Schuman).. terleka aku...

Dalam perjalanan ke apartment, singgah di kedai daging halal, dan beli setengah kilo kepak ayam... 2 euros je. Dapat 8 keping kepak ayam.. 8 keping tau Silah, bukan kepak shj, tapi kepak dengan betis kecik tu (tah ape nama part tu, hehe). Sampai di rumah, perap 4 kepak ayam utk masak Ayam Goreng Basah Berempah Diraja dan bersihkan 4 kepak ayam utk masak Kari Ayam Spesel. Sambil2 masak, sambil2 chat dengan Silah & Ad. Dalam pukul 4 baru masak, haha.. lemah betul skill memasak ni. Kari Ayam Spesel looks weird, tp rasa sedap sgt. Macam x caya je aku masak sesedap ni, hahaha. Tapi Ayam Goreng Basah Berempah Diraja yg aku masak memang fail la. Taste kurang. Masih boleh dimakan, tapi kurang rasa masin dan rempah. Mungkin kena dapatkan pengisar, senang sket nk perap ayam, senang sket aku nk masak. Apa pn, alhamdulilLah dengan rezeki ni.. aku masih cukup duit untuk makan, masih ada kawan untuk chat dan sembang2, masih ada sedikit sisa kekuatan dan semangat untuk teruskan perjuangan.

Sekian...

November 2, 2006

2006-11-03T10:46:00.000+01:00

Waaa, so many things to do, yet so little time that I have… (but I can still manage to write something here)

Pagi, bertolak ke uni pukul 9 pg. Mula2, niat nak ke town hall untuk pendaftaran, tapi suhu sejuk sangat2. Aku batalkan niat untuk ke town hall, walaupun aku masih memegang status penduduk asing x berdaftar, hehehe.. Suhu pagi ni cuma 3 oC. Ditambah pulak dengan hujan gerimis, memang menggigil pagi ni. Aku cuma pakai 3 lapis baju; t shirt, jumper & sweater... memang x cukup. Seluar lak, pakai selapis je :D akibatnya, menggigil sepanjang perjalanan.

Siang dah semakin pendek skrg ni. Memang sangat2 terasa, sebab pukul 5 dh gelap. Hari ni, pkl 5.17 ptg dah maghrib. Jadi, pukul 5.10 aku dah bertolak balik ke rumah yg beberapa pelaung dr IRIDIA (pejabat aku). Banyak pelaung jugak la, 20 minit jalan kaki. Balik dari IRIDIA, terserempak dengan Amin, satu2nya pelajar Islam di IRIDIA. Nak borak2, tapi dh gelap. Jadi, kami cuma buat plan untuk minum kopi besok pagi je la (and I forgot about my plan to go to the town hall again tomorrow morning). Amin tinggal di Antwerp, 50 km dari IRIDIA. Jadi, harap2 aku sempat ke town hall sebelum Amin sampai di IRIDIA.

Tentang pelajaran, memang banyak yg perlu dibaca dan difahami. Aku tak tahu sama ada aku mampu nk habiskan pengajian ni atau tak. Belajar satu bidang baru, memang sangat mencabar. Kena mula dari bawah, fahami betul2 asas. Mula dari berbaring, “mengengsot” (is this a Malay word?), merangkak, berdiri, berjalan, berlari, dan habiskan pengajian aku. But deep inside me, I believe that I will succeed... Memang bukan hanya dengan usaha aku. Aku memang tak mampu nk hadapi semua ni dengan usaha aku semata-mata. Dengan izin Allah, dengan doa Ma; yg aku tahu saban hari mendoakan kejayaan aku, doa ahli keluarga aku, guru2 aku, sahabat2 aku... yang aku percaya telah memberikan aku kekuatan selama ni Aku percaya ini yang banyak memberikan aku kekuatan dan sokongan di luar kesedaran aku. Memang bukan senang untuk hidup sorang2 di bumi asing ni (I’m not whining, ok.. just sharing..). Memang sukar, tapi tak mustahil. Sedangkan ulat dalam batu pun boleh hidup, inikan pulak manusia. “benih yang baik, dicampak ke laut menjadi pulau, dicampak ke darat menjadi gunung” (betul ke ni? Hehe, x ingat la. Rais yatim tau, kena saman kalu). Tapi, benih yg baik ke aku ni???

cuti

2006-11-01T19:39:00.000+01:00

Hari ni cuti all saints. Pagi - kemas rumah yg masih kosong… Kemas2 barang. internet, stadi (poyo je ngaku stadi), beli lauk, masak, makan, tgk katun, etc...

Petang – Thomas telefon untuk hantar katil aku. Baiknyer sv aku sorang ni. Seronok je sebab dia baik sangat. Kemudian, aku tanya Thomas;

“berapa saya kena bayar untuk katil ni?” saja buat2 tanya Thomas

“tak perlu bayar, kamu guna je katil ni untuk sementara, mungkin untuk setahun atau dua tahun” Thomas said & translated by me :p

Hahaha, dengan ini, berakhir la zaman tido atas lantai di apartment aku, rue Malibran.
Arrrgh, besok ada discussion dengan co-promoter aku, Mauro. Aku x stadi lagi apa yg aku kena terangkan pada dia besok, hahaha. Malasnyer nk stadi.

Dh... nk makan, kemudian stadi, kemudian tido...

stunned, shocked, and sad

2006-11-01T03:06:00.000+01:00

tetiba je terasa nk msg kawan lama hr ni...
jadi, aku hantar msg pd member tu, guna msn messenger...
dia x ingat pn aku sape!
siap kene halau lg...
sedey tol

"belah ah beb"

perfect place

2006-10-29T11:26:00.000+01:00

AlhamdulilLah,

segala puji bagi Allah yang mengatur kehidupan aku dengan baik... semoga aku akan berubah menjadi hamba yg lebih baik, lebih bersyukur, dan lebih tahu menghargai nikmat yang diterima.
walaupun sewa bilik aku agak mahal, tempat ni memang sangat strategik. tadi keluar g jalan2, lebih kurang setengah jam. macam yb melawat kawasan la kononnya..
ada:

4 buah kedai makanan halal
1 kedai daging halal (puyuh, ayam, lembu; yg dh bergaul rempah pn ada)
1 kedai runcit muslim: ada beras (beras siam pun ada, 2,65 euro/kg, rempah2, bawang merah, bawang putih, bawang besar, lengkuas, mcm2 la; kecuali cili api jek xde :( (baru niat nk masak ayam masak lemak cili api)
beberapa kedai buah2an

semua ni berada kurang 500 m dari bilik aku. tadi g try satu kedai jual makanan india. tp x order capati @ kebab. brader kedai tu tanya aku... "bangladesh?"... sabo je la. tau la aku ni gelap. dekat kedai tu, aku cuma mintak burger je. 2,50 euro sebijik. memang kenyang giler. rasa pun ok

lebih kurang 5 minit dr bilik aku, ada dua buah tasik. tiap2 hujung minggu ada jualan sayur2an segar di sekkitar tasik tu. bunga2 pun ada jugak. memang murah sangat harganya. 5 euro untuk sejambak bunga ros! bukan sejambak 9-10 kuntum, tapi sejambak macam yg org jual dekat kedai bunga tu! gatal je tangan nk beli, nk wangikan bilik aku ni :p

check out... check in

2006-10-28T15:48:00.000+02:00

AlhamdulilLah...

selamat check out dari Sleepwell Youth Hostel, dan check in di bilik sendiri. sila la datang melawat Silah, Noor; bilik x besar mana, tapi selesa la sebab dh ada bilik sendiri.
bilik ni takde perabot, kecuali dapur je. jadi, malam ni tido atas lantai... lepas check in, terus tanak nasi, beras Basmathi (0,95 euro) sekilo; rindu makan nasi punya pasal. masak dua cawan je, cadang untuk makan tghari dan malam. sambil tunggu nasi masak, g beli perkakas asas; pinggan, mangkuk, gelas, sudu, garfu, penyapu, sabun, pan, senduk masak, periuk, sabun basuh... total, 49,95 euro... kopak pakcik macam ni..

lepas beli barang2 tu, terasa nk makan nasi goreng pulak. jadi, masak nasi goreng je, berlaukkan telur mata lembu (x jumpa lg kedai yg jual daging halal). baru terasa nikmat makan nasi. nasi yg nk simpan untuk malam, dah ter"habis" makan. jadi, malam ni kena masak sekali lagi, ataupun makan makanan lain je :p selamat tinggal wafer yg jadi sumber tenaga selama 2 minggu ni :D

9th day

2006-10-25T10:44:00.000+02:00

9th day

Pejam celik, dh hari ke sembilan aku di sini. Masih lagi tinggal di hostel, dan harap2 tak ada masalah untuk pindah ke apartment aku pada 1 November nanti. Jam 9 pg, naik bas no 96 dr Bouse menuju ke Ixelles Cemetery. Sebenarnya, nk singgah dekat Citibank untuk cashkan bank draft aku. Malang memang tak berbau, bila hujan mula turun waktu aku berjalan dari perhentian bas ke arah Citibank. Jadi, terpaksa aku redah je hujan sebab kawasan ni memang tak ada tempat berteduh. Masalah kedua baru saja bermula bila sampai di Citibank, orang yg jaga kaunter tu bagitau yg aku kena buka akaun Citibank dulu, baru boleh cashkan duit aku. Ridiculous ! Memang frust sangat bila dh dia cakap macam tu. Nak buka akaun bank, aku kena ada alamat dulu. Masalahnya, aku perlukan duit tu untuk sewa apartment aku, yg membolehkan aku menjadi manusia beralamat ! Pening sangat dengan sistem di Belgium ni. Mana aku nak cari duit dekat RM 8, 000 untuk jaminan apartment dan sewa bulan pertama nanti ? Jaminan = 410 euro x 3 bulan + sewa bulan pertama = 410 euro + 75 euro + electricity… dekat 2000 euro jugak. Boleh buat transfer dr Malaysia, tapi leceh sangat, dan mungkin caj yang tak berpatutan. Lagi pun, duit dalam akaun dekat Malaysia xleh keluarkan sebab terlupa serah kad bank pada akak aku. Suddenly, everything goes wrong. Menyesal jek rasanya buat bank draft hari tu. Baik kalau bawak cash je banyak2. Tak sangka benda macam ni pun boleh jadi masalah. Thomas nak bagi aku pinjam duit dulu, kalau aku ada masalah dari segi kewangan. Tapi, seboleh2nya, aku tak nak bergantung kepada orang lain. Dan aku pun agak segan dengan Thomas. Sorang lagi yang tawarkan bantuan kepada aku ialah Max. Dia kata yang dia boleh pinjamkan aku duit untuk jaminan apartment aku. Jadi, aku rasa ni la cara terbaik untuk aku selesaikan masalah ni. Sementara tunggu duit aku yang akan ditunaikan melalui ING, baik aku pinjam duit Max dulu. Memang la segan, tapi ni je yg boleh dilakukan skrg ni. Memang susah bila dok jauh2 ni. Terharu sangat2 dengan Max, sebab sanggup tlg aku walaupun baru je kenal aku 9 hari. Kalau tak, nk buat macam mana ? Nasib baik kengkawan dekat IRIDIA tu baik2.

Tghari, Max ajak g makan sama2 diorang di kantin. Memula, aku nk tolak je, sebab kemungkinan besar makanan yg aku xleh mkn, walaupun ada yg vegetarian food. Bila sampai di kantin, memang confirm la xleh mkn. Makanan bercampur, yg halal dengan yg x halal. Tapi sebab nk menjaga hati Max, aku minum sama2 dengan diorang hr ni ; Max, Prasanna, Bruno, Marco, Carlo, Christoff & sorg lagi lupe nama :p memang teruk la aku ni, susah sgt ingat nama org.

Lepas tu, g ING bank untuk tanya2 sket prosedur nk cashkan bank draft aku. Memang sah la, kalau buat dekat ING bank, akan ambil masa lebih kurang 3 minggu. Jadi, aku teruskan dengan plan B, pinjam duit max dulu sementara menunggu bank draft aku dicashkan. Memang teruk laaaaaaaaaa…

Pukul 4, sepatutnya aku join presentation Thomas dekat Faculty of Applied Sciences. Tapi, Thomas lewat datang sebab dia tak jumpa cari anak dia dekat sekolah. Kesian jek Thomas, berlari2 ke Faculty of Applied Sciences ngan aku. Dan lepas beberapa minit berlari, aku cakap dekat Thomas, “you go first, I’ll try to find the room later”… memang aku tak larat nk lari (semput daa), dengan laptop & buku Algorithms yg tebal giler… Alasan la ni, tp rasanya aku selalu sesak nafas je bila sampai dekat sini. Mungkin sejuk sangat, dan dalam family aku, semua ada penyakit lelah. Harap2, jangan la aku kena pulak lelah dekat sini. Lepas tu, aku try cari presentation room. Seperti yg aku jangka, x jumpa. So, aku terus balik ke Sleepwell, hahaha. Teruk betol la hr ni.

8th day

2006-10-24T11:45:00.000+02:00

8th day

Untuk kali ke berapa, aku buat pangilan ke Malaysian Embassy, panggilan terus kepada K. ___ yg bekerja di sana. Menurut K. Wan, K. ___ ni baik orangnya. Maka, dengan penuh harapan aku cuba telefon K. ___, untuk kali ke berapa, dah x ingat sebab susah sangat nk buat panggilan ni. Tapi, memang jawapan yg aku terima, tak sehangat yg aku bayangkan. Selepas aku maklumkan yang aku pelajar dr Malaysia, dan tanya sama ada aku perlu daftar di Malaysian Embassy atau tak, jawapan K. ___ cuma; “awk telefon balik no _________ hari Khamis. Kitorang cuti raya skrg ni”. Terus aku tawar hati untuk tanya tentang sambutan hari raya di kedutaan tu. Baik aku sambut sorang2 je. Menyesal aku susah2 telefon dengan harapan yang membukit, menggunung. Tapi yg aku dapat cuma pandangan yang kurang baik tentang Kedutaan Malaysia. Hajat di hati, memang macam2 nak tanya diorang, macam2 nak dapatkan maklumat dari diorang. Apa salahnya, kalau luangkan masa 5 minit untuk bagi sedikit maklumat; mana nk cari makanan halal, etc… ni tak, layanan macam nak tak nak je.

Jadi, dengan rasminya aku beraya sorang2, tanpa seorang ahli keluarga pun, tanpa seorang kawan pun, tanpa sekeping kad raya pun, tanpa ucapan selamat hari raya pun, tanpa solat raya pun, tanpa takbir raya pun, tanpa segala2nya yang aku biasa lakukan pada pagi raya. Ni lah hari raya yg paling sunyi yg pernah aku alami, dan aku bertekad untuk beraya di Malaysia tiap2 tahun, pada tahun2 yg akan datang. Memang terasa sangat2 tak best, sangat2 tak lengkap, sangat2 cacat beraya di sini, dan semestinya, sangat2 menyedihkan.

Pagi, aku bergerak ke Citibank sebab nk tukar bank draft aku. Jalan2 ke Citibank ambil masa lebih kurang 20 minit. Jauh jugak tempat tu. On the way ke Citibank, terbau macam KFC la pulak. Memang bau best sangat2. Hahaha, nk wat macam mana, xleh makan. Malang sekali lagi, sebab dekat cawangan tu xleh tukar pulak bank draft tu. Jadi, besok rasanya aku akan ke Citibank berhampiran dengan ULB untuk cashkan bank draft tu. Harap2, xde apa2 masalah nanti. Leceh la kalau2 x dapat guna duit tu dalam masa yang aku nk guna. Macam2 masalah akna timbul lak nanti. Jadi, aku balik ke Sleepwell dan melepak di lobi sambil minum2 jus yang aku baru beli. Makanan rasmi aku, wafer dan buah2an. Minuman rasmi aku, jus buah dan air mineral. Kurus la aku dalam masa sebulan ni. Memang rasa sangat2 lapar…

7th day

2006-10-24T11:44:00.000+02:00

7th day

Hari ni ada appointment dengan Max, pkl 10.50 pg untuk melawat apartment pd pkl 11 pg. Jadi, aku keluar dari Sleepwell lebih kurang pukul 10.15 pg, dan naik bas no 71 ke arah Flagey. Berhenti dekat tasik, dan pusing2 di sekitar tasik skjp. Rupa2nya, hari ni ada pasar minggu di keliling tasik ni. Banyak buah2an dan sayur2an di keliling tasik ni. Bunga2 pun ada jual, dan sangat murah.

Lebih kurang pkl 11, Max sampai bersama2 gf dia, Roberta di tempat yang kami janjikan, dan kami bergerak mencari apartment sasaran.. rupa2nya, cuma 5 minit dr tasik tempat bas tadi berhenti. Kalau macam ni, ok jugak sebab tak jauh sangat dari ULB, dan masih boleh jalan kaki ke sana. Kalau malas, boleh naik bas no 71. tapi, sekali naik bas, 1,50 euro. Mahalnya…

Sebenarnya, yang uruskan sewaan apartment tu bukan tuan apartment tu sendiri, tapi tuan kedai yg berniaga dekat bawah apartment tu. Mungkin kawan tuan apartment tu kot. Takpe la, yang pasti apartment tu ok, dan tak terlalu mahal. Rasanya memang padan dengan keadaan apartment tu. Baru dicat, dan keadaan nampak ok. 410 E + 75 (charges + heating + water) + electricity charges. Satu bilik tidur, agak besar. Dapur sekali dengan ruang tamu, tapi ok rasanya sebab dapur agak luas. Tandas dan bilik air yang ok. Memang sesuai sangat kalau rajin memasak. Nampaknya, akan terer memasak la dalam masa setahun dua ni. Cuma yg terasa teruk sangat, ialah aku terlupa nk tengok ada x peti sejuk dekat apartment tu! Memang sangat teruk daaaaaaaaa. Tapi kalau takde pun, aku akan beli, sebab lama lagi aku akan berada di sini. Jadi, lepas aku tanya pendapat Max, dan dia kata apartment ni ok, aku terus setuju, dan tandatangan jaminan yang aku akan ambik apartment ni. Orang yang uruskan apartment ni pun x nampak macam orang jahat. Harap2 tak ada masalah nanti. Bayar 50 E untuk blok dan book apartment tu. Lusa, Max akan temankan aku untuk ke ING bank, dan uruskan apa2 hal yang patut.

Terima kasih kepada Max dan Roberta.

Aku dah maklumkan Eric dan Wan yg dh jumpa apartment. Semangat je Wan nk dating tolong hias, hehehe. Bgs la, aku pnm alas sket nk hias ni. Harap2, segala2nya berjalan lancar, dan aku boleh dapat rumah tu 1 Nov nanti.

Balik ke Sleepwell, dan malam ni dapat roommate lain pulak, pensyarah dr China yg datang ke German untuk urusan kerja. Kesian lak dia, camera kena curi dkt Brussels. Aku pun kena hati2 ni, takut2 terjadi perkara yang sama.

6th day

2006-10-24T11:43:00.000+02:00

6th day

Aku keluar dr Sleepwell pukul 11.45 pg, sebab dh ada orang datang utk bersihkan bilik aku. Jadi, aku tunggu Eric dekat luar Sleepwell. Saja nk lepak dekat luar & biasakan diri aku dengan angi sejuk ni J sejuk sangat2. Eric akan sampai dalam ukul 2, dan aku kena tunggu selama 2 jam ++ lg. Sanggup ke lepak dekat luar, dengan angina sejuk ni? Menggigil jugak dibuatnya.

Gembira jugak bila ada orang macam Eric yang sanggup tlg aku macam ni. Aku masih tak dapat bayangkan, apa kana jadi dengan aku kalau Eric x tolong aku sebanyak ni. Xtau macam mana nk uruskan macam2 hal ni. Sejuk la pulak tunggu Eric dekat luar ni. Harap2 dia x datang lambat sangat. Dah rasa nak beku ni, hehehe.

Kekadang timbul rasa menyesal gak datang sini, sebab memang susah sangat. Memang x pernah bayangkan yang keadaan akan jadi sesukar ni. Yang memberikan aku kekuatan, ialah keyakinan aku bahawa apa pun yg terjadi adalah perkara terbaik yg akan terjadi kepada aku. Walaupun terasa sangat susah, aku yakin ini semua akan memberikan pengajaran yang berguna kepada aku. Rindu sangat dengan family, rindu sgt dengan kawan2, rindu nk makan nasi L, rindu nk cakap melayu L, rindu segala2nya pada perkara yg boleh dirindui.

Dalam pkl 2.15, Eric sampai di Sleepwell. Pada mulanya, aku bercadang untuk pindah ke hostel lain sebab hostel ni dah tak ada single room yang kosong. Jadi, aku harap dapat cari hostel yang ada single room, sebab risau dengan barang2 aku yang banyak ni. Takut jugak kalau2 apa2 terjadi dengan barang2 aku ni. Baik beringat sebelum kena, walaupun tak banyak barang2 berharga. Tapi bila fikir2 balik, memang susah nk bergerak dengan barang2 aku yang banyak. Jadi, aku sambung lagi tinggal di Sleepwell, sampai 1 November. Harap2 aku akan dapat apartment sebelum 1 hb nanti. Banyak jugak habis untuk belanja sewa di Sleepwell ni. Risau sangat kalau tak cukup duit belanja. Yang pasti, memang kena guna duit gaji bulanan L.

Lepas setelkan urusan pertukaran bilik, aku keluar dengan Eric untuk buat pas tahunan STIB (bas, tram & underground). Lepas beratur lebih kurang 20 minit, sampai giliran aku. Malang tak berbau, aku dah dikira dewasa dan tak layak untuk buat pas tahuynan untuk pelajar. Jadi, aku kena buat pas tahunan biasa, yang rasanya hamper 400 E setahun. Kalau mencecah 400E, rasanya lebih baik aku beli pas 10x perjalanan shj. Tapi ni bergantung kepada kedudukan rumah aku nanti. Kalau rumah sangat dekat, maka aku cuma akan jalan kaki ke IRIDIA.

Bila dah x dapat beli pas tahunan, kami terus tunggu tram, dan pergi melawat rumah pertama. Appointment pada pukul 5 petang. Rumah sangat ok, masih baru dan lawa. Tapi masalahnya ialah boleh mula sewa mulai bulan 12. sebulan lebih lagi. Memang terlalu lama untuk aku tunggu. Jadi, aku buat keputusan untuk pergi ke rumah semalam dengan Eric. Bila Eric cuba telefon tuan rumah, panggilan dia masuk ke voice mail, dan katanya rumah tu dah disewa L. Frust sangat2 sebab memang harap dapat tinggal di rumah tu. Tapi takpe, mesti ada hikmahnya. Jadi, kami berjalan balik ke perhentian tram untuk balik ke Brussels Central. Aku singgah di Super GB untuk beli bekalan sikit2 dan Eric terus balik ke rumah. Lupe lak, tadi mintak tlg Eric belikan surat khabar vlan, untuk aku buat rujukan bagi cari apartment lain pulak.

Bila balik ke Sleepwell, ada sorang orang Jepun dalam bilik, Yuki yg akan dok sebilik dengan aku malam ni. Ok, baik orangnya, Cuma dia x berapa fasih BI, jadi susah sikit nk berkomunikasi dengan dia. Bukan la aku maksudkan BI aku fasih, tapi “can do” la jugak kan, hahaha. Dalam iklan vlan tu, ada beberapa umah yg aku rasa menarik. Aku cuba telefon sorang makcik tuan rumah, tapi dia xtau cakap BI la pulak… ape lagi, maka dengan x malunya aku mintak tolong Syazwan telefon dari makcik tu dari Lille, hehehe. Kemudian Wan cakap yg apartment tu masih kosong. Jadi aku mintak tlg Max pulak untuk buat appointment dengan makcik tu, dalam jam 11 pagi besok. Ada harapan rasanya…

Sembang2 jap dengan Yuki, kemudian terus tido.

5th day

2006-10-24T11:39:00.000+02:00

5th day

Pagi-g melawat calon rumah sewa. Hr ni pergi sorang2 sebab Eric x dapat temankan, dia ada kelas dan member2 dekat IRIDIA pn kena masuk kerja. Jadi, dengan yakinnya aku g cari rumah yang nak aku lawati. Memang dah malas sangat rasanya nk cari rumah di sekeliling Bandar ni. Susah sangat2 sebab tuan rumah banyak yg xtau cakap BI. Kalau yg tau cakap BI, insyaAllah aku boleh uruskan sendiri, tp dalam situasi aku skrg ni, memang aku perlukan bantuan orang lain untuk urusan masalah ni.
Aku cari rumah tu sorang2, keluar dari Sleepwell pukul 10 pg, sampai dekat kawasan rumah tu, Flagey, rue Champs de Elyssee, 28. walaupun dh dekat dengan kawasan umah tu, aku tersilap g umah lain la pulak. Banyak lg yang aku kena belajar nk mengenali kawasan di sini.

Dh terjumpa rumah tu, rumah agak ok, landlord pun ok. Cuma masalah skang ialah rumah tu berada di tingkat atas sekali. Menurut nasihat Marco Montes, dia kata kalau boleh, jangan amik yg atas sekali sebab mungkin akan jadi sangat panas @ sangat sejuk. Jadi aku cakap pada tuan rumah tu, yg aku nk datang balik besok untuk tengok rumah tu untuk kali kedua. Aku dah call Eric, dan dia kata boleh temankan aku besok pagi. Gembira jugak sebab dah ada kemungkinan untuk dapat rumah ni nanti.

Berbalik pada apartment tadi, harganya berpatutan dengan keadaan apartment tu. 435 E sebulan, + charges (electricity, gas, water). Luas 48m2, tapi di tingkat atas sekali. Jaraknya pula cuma 5 min dr perhentian bas no 71, bas menuju ke IRIDIA. Ada satu bilik air, bilik tidur, ruang tamu, dapur dan peti sejuk. Apa pun, aku bagitau makcik tu yang aku akan telefon besok untuk melawat apartment tu untuk kali kedua.

Telefon K Wan, sebab dia kata nak ke London utk sambut raya dekat sana. Aku x tau la nk sambut raya macam mana. Setakat ni, cadang nk beraya di Islamic Centre atau d Malaysian Embassy je. Tgk la macam mana keadaan dalam sehari dua ni. K Wan bagi no telefon sorang akak yg keje di Malaysian Embassy, K Pah. Aku cuba call K Pah, tapi dia x jawab2 pun. Frust betul la macam ni.

Lepas melawat apartment tu, aku ke Islamic Centre untuk solat Jumaat. Naik underground dr de Bruckere ke Schuman. Sepatutnya, Islamic Centre tu x jauh dr Schuman, tp x jumpa la pulak. Pusing2 di sekitar Schuman station, dan akhirnya x jumpa jugak; my sense of direction is definitely terrible. Kemudian aku cuba cara paling primitif yg aku boleh bayangkan; ikut orang jek… lepas menjumpai sasaran aku, sorang pakcik yang aku yakin Islam bersama anak dia yg pakai jubah & kopiah. X sampai 10 minit, aku dah jumpa Islamic Centre tu, AlhamdulilLah… berjaya jugak sampai ke masjid kali ni.

Khutbah Jumaat dalam bahasa Arab dan Perancis. Angguk je la dengar khutbah Jumaat hr ni. Lewat giler habis solat Jumaat, dalam pukul 3 petang baru sudah. Jadi, dengan rasminya aku tak ke IRIDIA hari ni, dan mungkin jugak Jumaat2 yang akan datang. Terus naik underground dr Schuman ke de Bruckere, dan balik ke Sleepwell.

4th day

2006-10-24T11:24:00.000+02:00

4th day

AlhamdulilLah, aku masih hidup, masih selamat di bumi orang walaupun dalam keadaan yang sangat tidak selesa sebab masih terpaksa berulang alik dr Brussels Central sebab masih x dapat cari apartment utk aku tinggal. Sangat susah cari apartment sebab student lain dah masuk lebih awal berbanding aku, jadi tinggal saki baki je la.

Dalam usaha cari apartment, aku banyak dapat bantuan dari kawan2 aku, Eric, Carlo, Max, Marco, Prasanna, Maurielle, Hugh, dan juga sv aku sendiri, Thomas. Sorang lg yg banyak tlg ialah Syazwan, walaupun dia terpaksa call tuan umah dr France… memang amat2 dihargai bantuan kengkawan dekat sini.

Bila dah sampai di sini, baru terasa nikmat hidup di Malaysia. Walaupun banyak dapat bantuan daripada kawan2 dekat sini, aku xleh bergantung kepada diorang 100%.
Akhirnya, pada hari ke-4 berada di IRIDIA (nama jabatan / ofis aku), aku boleh mendaftar dengan bantuan Maurielle. Leceh giler prosedur untuk daftar di uni. Nasib baik Maurielle yg tlg. Kalo x, xtau la apa yg aku nk buat. Tapi org Belgium memang baik2, aku potong queue waktu pendaftaran pun, xde sorg yg mrh, hahaha….

Kemudian aku telefon town hall, berkenaan dengan urusan pendaftaran aku di town hall. Satu masalah yang sangat aku x paham, ialah pelajar asing diarahkan mendaftar di town hall berhampiran dengan tempat kediaman dalalm masa 8 hari setelah tiba di Belgium. Masalah yg terbesar ialah bukan mudah untuk mendapatkan kediaman yg ‘ok’ dalam masa 8 hari. Jadi, bila xde kediaman, mana nk tau dekat town hall mana nk daftar? Jadi, untuk dapatkan kepastian, aku telefon town hall yang terdekat dengan IRIDIA, Ixelles town hall. Aku maklumkan masalah aku, dan diorang maklumkan yang aku ada masa sampai tempoh visa aku tamat, iaitu pada Januari 2007. Ok la kalau macam tu, banyak sikit masa aku.. kecoh jek…

Sblm balik ke hostel, aku singgah dekat GB Super, supermarket dekat ngan IRIDIA. Beli jus, buah2an, spaghetti, udang, kurma… memula nk beli fries, tp fries sume dalam paket sekilo2. jadi, xkn nk beli bnyk2 sbb aku masih di hostel, bukan apartment sendiri. Jadi, beli la apa yg aku rasa mudah dimasak. Bukak puasa atas bas, makan kurma sebijik. Kemudian bila sampai di hostel, baru masak spaghetti dengan udang. Walaupun x sesedap mana, boleh la buat alas perut. Kenyang bukak posa hari ni.

2nd day n 3rd day

2006-10-19T12:16:00.000+02:00

2nd day, October 17
Bertolak ke ULB pukul 9 pg, dan tiba lebih kurg pukul 1 ptg... 4 jam aku sesat, pusing2 di sekeliling ULB. Nasib baik org Belgium ramah2 dan baik hati. Senang sangat bila nk mintak tlg diorang. Terasa aku ni macam pelancong lak, org datang tolong, bagi maklumat, tunjuk arah jalan, tolong terjemahkan apa aku cakap, etc... dari segi tu, memang seronok dekat sini. Cuma dari segi makanan, aku masih berada dalam keadaan tidak selesa, sebab aku masih mencari kediaman tetap. Jadi, xleh nk masak2, xleh nk makan apa2 yg aku nk. Skang ni cuma makan makanan dr Malaysia, sbb xtau benda2 yg halal dekat sini, kecuali Hector Chicken..
Malam, keluar jalan2 dengan Eric, pusing2 Brussels. G Central Aquare waktu mlm, g melawat Kedutaan Besar Malaysia, Av de Tervuren (subway ke Montgomery, kemudian amik tram ke Madoux, menuju Tervuren @ Ban Eik). Memang kedutaan dah tutup, cuma ke sana sebab Eric nk ajar macam mana nk ke sana bila sorang2 nanti. Nanti senang sikit urusan aku d sana. Kemudian Eric bawa aku ke masjid (naik subway dr De Bruckere ke Schuman).
Hari kedua aku ok gak, cuma letih sebab sesat lama sgt.

3rd day, October 18
Akhirnya aku berjaya cari ULB, dah x sesat hr ni. Masih x boleh nk daftar, sebab org yg uruskan pendaftaran takleh ditemui. Harap2 x lama sangat macam ni. Susah aku kang kalu camni. Nk kena g town hall lg untuk daftar umah aku, walaupun aku xde umah nk tinggal. Kena cari umah secepat mungkin. Kalau dapat daftar di ULB hr ni, aku nk kuar besok untuk cari umah sewa. Kalau xde orang temankan, terpaksa la aku g besok sorg... rasanya memang kena g sorg2 pun. Eric ada kelas siang2, xleh la dia tlg aku.
Hari ni bukak puasa minum air mineral sebotol, 500 ml. Aku tgh tengok satu apartment time tu, (Bila sampai di hostel, baru aku dapat rasa makanan yg paling sedap dalam 3 hari aku di sini; Maggi!) tapi dh ada org amik dulu apartment tu. So, terpaksa aku cari apartment lain lg. Hari ni pun, rasanya nk cari apartment lg, lepas aku daftar di ULB. Harap2 pendaftaran aku xde masalah.
Sv aku dah mula bagi bahan untuk aku baca. Jadi, aku kena cepat2 dapatkan umah. Masalah terbesar ialah aku still xleh nk daftar. Kalau dh daftar, senang la sket nk luangkan masa untuk cari umah sewa. Xde la aku kena tumpukan pada menunggu pendaftaran yg x selesai2.
Lagipun, hari ni aku nk g ambik kad sementara ING aku. Satu lagi mende yg aku nk buat ialah cashkan bank draf aku. Tapi risau la pulak nk bawak banyak2 cash dalam tangan. Takut apa2 terjadi, susah la pulak kan. Harap2 xde apa2 masalah nnti.

new place, new friends, new life

2006-10-17T14:39:00.000+02:00

AlhamdulilLah, dah selamat tiba di Brussels pagi semalam, dan selamat menjalankan ibadah puasa hari pertama di sini.

Juadah berbuka:
Orange juice
Twiggies sekeping / sebijik (seludup dr Malaysia)

Juadah sahur kejap tadi:
Orange juice
Twiggieses 2 kpg (pun seludup jugak)

* still ada baki 3 keping utk berbuka petang ni…
* perut dah berkeroncong walaupun br sahur sejam yg lepas J

Perjalanan dr Malaysia ke Amsterdam (Schipol) semalam mengambil masa lebih kurang 12 ½ jam. Perjalanan ok, dan alhamdulilLah selamat. Makan x jadi masalah, sebab naik MAS. Sebaik saja sampai di Schipol, terus check out dan cari kaunter check in barang utk flight ke Brussels lak. Ruginya x check in terus brg utk ke Brussels d Kota Bharu. Dh la Schipol airport besar giler. Stgh jam sblm berlepas, berjaya jugak jumpa tempat utk tunggu bas yg nk hantar ke kapal terbang. Perjalanan dr KB-KL-AMS-BRU, semuanya berjalan lancar.

Sebaik saja tiba d Bru, jumpa dengan sv yang tolong jemput d airport. Kebetulan pulak smlm ada “short talk” dekat fakulti, sv pun ajak join. Ngantuk giler waktu “talk” tu, sabo je la. Semalam cuma berkenalan dengan ahli2 jabatan (IRIDIA). Sume baik2 giler dan paham BI. Ada jumpa sorg lagi muslim (Amin dari Morocco, tapi tinggal d Belgium), dan aku org Malaysia pertama & org Asia kedua (yg pertama ialah sorg student phd, Prasanna dr India) d IRIDIA.

Fakulti tengah dalam renovation, jadi still xde bilik persendirian. Skrg ni stay sama2 dgn sv. Lebih kurang pukul 4 smlm, tiba d youth hostel & akan stay d sini utk 3 hari. Sewa utk stay d youth hostel 28 euro sehari.

Petang smlm, buat pertama kali jumpa kawan, student dr Belgium, Eric Lamquet… memang baik sangat orangnya. First time jumpa, dia dh sediakan souvenir coklat dr Belgium. Cantik balutan coklat tu, sampaikn sayang nk bukak. Belum makan lagi coklat yg Eric bagi sebab xtau kandungan dia halal ke tak. Kena chek dulu dengan kawan2 @ internet. So, simpan je la dulu.

Eric bawak jalan2 d Brussels, dekat sekeliling hostel tempat penginapan sementara. Memang ramai sangat pelancong, dan kedai coklat di kiri dan kanan jalan. Eric bawak ke central square yg cantik giler… ada town hall yg berusia lebih kurang 600 tahun (if i’m not mistaken), lalu dekat mannequin piss (the famous pissing boy statue), lepas tu cuba cari kedai halal, tp x jumpa. Eric ni kristian, jadi dia xtau mana nk cari kedai halal. So, setakat ni cuma ada twiggies dan megi yg jadi bekal dr Malaysia. Kemudian g beli prepaid card, proximus (bougt the same one with Eric since he’s going to be one of the most frequent person whom I’ll contact in Brussels). Kemudian beli call card utk call Malaysia.

Almk, dh x sempat tulis daa, dh ada hal

Wassalam.
Au revoir

stupidity

2006-09-10T17:52:00.000+02:00

I've lost my O2 atom, because I trusted my friend...
and because of my stupidity tooooo

Jalan2 habiskan duit

2006-08-13T11:32:00.000+02:00

Jalan2 habiskan duit

9/8/06 KB-KL Darul Naim Ekspres
11/8/06 Nilai-KB Transnasional
12/8/06 KB-KT Transnasional
15/8/06 KT-KB With Auni
17/8/06 KB-KL MAS
21/8/06 KL-KB MAS
22/8/06 KB-KT With Auni
24/9/06 Besut Faculty Programme
3/9/06 KB-KL Transnasional
4/9/06 KL-KDH Train
10/9/06 KDH-KB Transnasional
15/9/06 KB-KL MAS

the old pair of socks

2006-07-27T09:24:00.000+02:00

Afer solat zuhur, I take a glance at my pair of socks that I wear today. I can still remember the fact that it was bought during my matriculation study. I always use this pair of socks when I play bowling with my colleagues at The Mines Shopping Fair (I play bowling at least once a week :p). That’s approximately seven years ago. Can you imagine? Seven years using the same socks. Of course I have other socks; and I use them alternately and change them every two days, at most. This particular sock that I’m wearing is quite expensive, compared to my other socks which I can get three pairs for less than RM10. My more expensive socks are still ok after seven years, while my cheaper socks have to be replaced every one or two months… Which one is better; expensive socks that you can wear for years, or cheap socks that you can use for less than a month?

** What I mean by the term expensive socks is when the price is slightly more expensive than others, around RM15-RM20 per pair.

what should i do?

2006-07-23T15:51:00.000+02:00

I’m not confident with my decision right now to go on with my study plan. Too many things happened in this few months that made me think more than twice to leave my family, especially my mom. I felt very guilty since I have to leave her during this hard time. Even though I knew she is very lonely at home, she fully supported my decision to go on with my doctoral study. Of course, my brother and sisters visit my mom everyday; but it’s not the same without my father. Someone told me that it’s better if I finish my study as fast as I can, and come back to Malaysia, while others advised me to postpone my study plan… what should I do?

Am I too weak to face all this? Or this is the perfectly normal feeling that I should have.

My study preparation? I still can’t master C or perl. Maybe I didn’t use enough effort to learn those things. My supervisor (to be) always asks me about my study progress, and sometimes about my family too. I think, he’s using more effort compared to myself to help me in my doctoral study.

I completely understand that I shouldn’t blame my current family condition due to my failure, but I think, I’m lost… (mcm cite lost, xtau nk ke mana @ buat apa)

I'll start to move on again. This is not the end of the world, right? Lets hope this will pass and start a new day with optimism... and hope too

Myths and tips about batteries (laptop, hp,… etc)

2006-07-18T09:03:00.000+02:00

We usually stumbled with opinions from forums and writers about tips to prolong the batteries’ life for electronic devices; mostly laptop & handphone… the most common myth when using a laptop is to charge your laptop, and when the battery is full, disassemble the battery from the laptop. Wait until the charge remaining is very low before you can charge the battery… etc

The fact is, most of the laptops today are using the lit-ion batteries, which have no memory effect. Please search the internet to get more ideas on memory effect :p without memory effect, you can charge the battery whenever you want, and you don’t have to disassemble the battery from your laptop, even when it is full (sorry Silah for the wrong tips).

Tips to extend the batteries life (for lit-ion battery only):

The lit-ion batteries’ charging capacity will decrease in time. So, check the manufacturing date of the battery. The batteries’ charge capacity will drop off even when not in use.
Lit-ion battery should be charged often!
Avoid letting the battery to deep discharge (letting it to deplete 100%). 100 deep cycles will approximately reduce the charging capacity to 75% of the original capacity.
Buy spare battery only when needed, and again; check the manufacturing date.
Do not regularly disassemble the battery; some manufacturer claims that this action might leads to the accumulation of dust when the battery is removed.

Thursday & Friday in KL

2006-07-16T05:28:00.000+02:00

I called the Belgium Embassy last Tuesday, and talked with someone named Sharon. I asked her about the procedure to apply for visa, and she asked me to go to KL to meet her. Firstly, I refuse to go there just to meet her. But when I met her in KL, I realized that she was right. There are a lot of things she has to inform me about the visa application procedure. But the best thing is, she said that the visa application will only take 7 days. So, we set up another meeting on 4th of September to meet her and submit my visa application.

A day before meeting Sharon, I went to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs to apply for the letter of good conduct (this letter is vital for the visa application). The application of Letter of Good Conduct will take at least a month, and might take until two months. I was so shocked when I know about this, and I told my friend who is working at a minister's office. He tried to assist me to speed up the application process. After making a few phone calls, he told me to meet the p.a. for Dato' .... to discuss about this. I met the p.a., and through our discussion, he said that at least they will need 10 working days to process my application & that's the most he can do to help me :p I think that's much better compared to a month, right? But seriously, I felt guilty for asking my friend's help like this, but that's the best way to deal with this matter for the time being. My sincere thanks to D for helping me in this matter, and to Azwan, thanks for driving me everywhere I need to go; Jabatan Perdana Menteri, Ministry of Foreign Affairs, KLCC.... etc. & the bruner (breakfast + lunch + dinner) is fantastic.

Firsly, we (Azwan & I) planned to go to Muzium Shah Alam to watch the "pameran hantu"; as he described it to me. But, we don't have enough time to go there since we used half a day for my activities at Putrajaya, and then brought my friend's fiancée to the clinic because her mom had an asthma attack, and lastly, we went to KLCC to buy my laptop; yeay. Lastly, the vaio sz 28 is mine…

LifeBook or VAIO?

2006-07-09T10:00:00.000+02:00

I’m searching for a new laptop, most probably a Fujitsu LifeBook or Sony VAIO. I had never used any of those models, since both are expensive laptop model compared to others. I don’t mind about the price, but I want an above average laptop, so that I don’t have to buy another laptop in the near future. Right now, I am targeting the VAIO VGN-SZ28GP or the LifeBook S7110. The VAIO SZ is quite expensive, but with superb features. The S7110 also comes with excellent features, but the price is slightly higher than the VAIO SZ.

Right now, I’m using acer TravelMate 4002 WLCi. There’s nothing wrong with my acer laptop, but it’s too heavy for travelling purpose (2.7 kg++). Probably, I’m going to sell it by the end of July, and buy the VAIO SZ (“,)

VAIO SZ special features:
Very light compared to its size – 1.69 kg, 315 x 21.6 – 32.6 x 234.3 mm
Fingerprint sensor – security maa
Memory stick duo slot
Graphic chip switch system – use low power consuming chip while on battery
HDD protection – prevent hard disk damage
Etc…

Conts:
Only 2 USB ports available
Quite expensive
Only 1 year warranty

Should I buy this or not?

as busy as a bee; as busy as me

2006-06-28T02:34:00.000+02:00

Busy, busier, busiest….
But still have time to write something here

I have passed my IELTS. Actually, I just barely passed it, hehehe.
So, I can move on with the next step… right now, I am waiting for the JPA meeting to endorse my PhD application. In the mean time, I have to attend BTN, but most probably I will go for the BTN in August. Then I have to prepare the PhD; proposal, learn C, PERL and R. I am not an expert in any of those programming and script languages. Surely, I have to spend a lot of time to learn them. And then read journals and books; I love reading, but since I started working, I rarely have the opportunity to read as much as I did before. I missed my books, hehehe. Especially my novels la…

I shouldn’t complain, right? That’s what Malays love to do. I just have to cope with my problems, and do my best.

“what doesn’t kills you makes you stronger”

2006-06-14T06:05:00.000+02:00

“Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”

After surviving the busiest week of the year, I have to face another difficulty; the toughest so far in my life. My beloved father passed away yesterday, 10th June, 2006, around 11 am. I was in Kuala Lumpur, attending a symposium from 6th June to 8th June at the PNB Darby Park. After the symposium, I stay in Kuala Lumpur for my IELTS examination on the 10th June. I didn’t bring my phone during the examination, as I don’t want any distraction during the examination. Luckily, I was the first candidate for the speaking test, after the listening and reading test. So, I finished earlier than others. I went to KLCC for lunch, because I didn’t eat anything since morning. After lunch, I went back to my friend’s house at Puchong, and arrived there around 3 pm. When I checked my phone, I got about 15 miss calls and a message from my sister, asking me to contact her as soon as possible. When I called her, she then tells me the bad news about our father. The bad news stunned me for a while, but I know that I have to remain calm. I have to move fast and go back to Kota Bharu immediately. I asked for my friend’s help to send me to the ERL station in Bandar Tasik Selatan. I spent more than half an hour at the ERL station, and got my coach to the KLIA. I arrived at the KLIA around 5, and bought 3 tickets (for me and my two sisters) to Kota Bharu. The flight is fully booked, and we are placed in the waiting list. Luckily, there are enough seats on the 10.35 pm flight, and we can go back to Kota Bharu that night. I tried my best not to cry when I met my sisters… In fact, I have already cried in the ERL… I don’t want show my sadness to my sisters, because I have to take control over the matter. During the flight, I was still hoping that I was only dreaming about the whole thing. We arrived at Kota Bharu around 12 midnight. We spent more than an hour in our journey, due to the bad weather. Luckily, we survived and landed safely.

I sincerely thank my friends, relatives, and everyone who supported me during this very difficult time; Eric, Mun, Sue, Silah, Mazney, Vin, Azwan, Along, Shera, Norimi, Reza, Zera, Wandi, Azami, Boy, Pn Selamah, Iwan, Syi, Atam, Ady, Erul, Nik, FairuzKUSTEM, Fathy, Nazar, Auni, Nina, Prof Abu, Nana, Wai, etc. And especially for Dr Stuetzle who provided a lot of help for my PhD preparation during this hard time; my proposal & admission process.

Only those who experienced it will understand exactly how it feels. It is a very difficult time, but we have to move on with our life…

“what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

enjoyable and inspiring

2006-06-03T20:41:00.000+02:00

Memories (One Piece theme song)** I really love one piece; enjoyable and inspiring

A treasure map from my childhood floats within my head…It was a place I was always searching for, a place of miracles…So that I wouldn't lose to some stranger.
The days now are filled with nothing but dust…Someday I'll entrust my body to all the time in the world.
If the world were to change, I'd bring along, the self from the time in which I knew nothing…So that my memories won't fade.
I've been singing a song since I was a child...Whenever I dreamt about it, my heart was warmed…A secret melody that was copied by everybody...So that next time, we may hear it sung well.
All we're doing now is sighing…No one can yet grasp onto our true dreams.
If the era were to return, I'd bring along, the self from the time in which I knew tears…So that I wouldn't be able to overtake the moment.
If the world were to change, I'd bring along, the self from the time in which I knew nothing…So that my memories won't fade…So that I wouldn't be able to overtake the moment.

Ngantuknyer… tapi hati dah lega sikit skang, sebab aku dah emailkan proposal aku dekat Dr Stuetzle. Cuma dua hari aku ambik masa untuk siapkan proposal aku. Boleh la agak kan, seteruk mana proposal tu. Aku pun tak puas hati dengan kerja aku…Tapi, pada pendapat aku, proposal kajian sebenarnya tak penting buat masa ni. Sebab utama ialah struktur pengajian yang akan aku ikuti. Mula2, aku kena mulakan dengan program DEA, ‘Doctorate de Science Applique’, yang aku pun tak faham apa maksud sebenarnya. Yang aku boleh agak, ala2 macam buat coursework sikit. Paling cepat aku boleh habiskan DEA ialah selama setahun. Jadi, dalam masa setahun, banyak perkara yang boleh berlaku. Kemungkinan untuk tukar projek pun sangat tinggi, mengikut kata2 bakal supervisor aku tu. Apa pun, aku dah emailkan proposal dekat bakal supervisor, dan harap2 dia akan bagi cadangan macam mana nak baiki supaya lebih baik dan orang lain pun boleh faham apa yang aku tulis. Kalau aku sorang je yang paham, ape guna kan. Sepatutnya aku antar proposal tu lebih awal untuk dia semak, sebab besok aku kena hantar proposal tu pada pendaftar. Paling lewat pun, aku kena hantar proposal tu pagi lusa, sama2 dengan permohonan cuti. Sepatut-patutnya aku kena hantar minggu depan, tapi sebab minggu depan aku cuti selama seminggu, terpaksa aku berkorban sikit, siapkan kerja lebih awal.

Minggu lepas (sampai malam ni) dah dinobatkan sebagai minggu paling sibuk bagi aku dalam tahun ni. Mulai hari Isnin lepas, sampai hari ni, Ahad; satu malam je aku tak tido di pejabat; hari2 lain, aku cuma balik rumah untuk mandi, tukar baju, basuh baju, makan, solat jumaat; dan waktu2 lain aku habiskan di pejabat; buat kerja la konon. Bukan aku rajin, tapi terpaksa sebab nak kejar tarikh2 penting yang semakin dekat. Kalau ikutkan hati dan nafsu tido, memang aku tak sanggup nak tido malam dekat pejabat, sengsorang pulak tu. Tapi ada gak mulut2 sumbang yang gatal tanya aku; “malam2 gi pejabat, gaji berapa naik?”, ni soalan kalau g pejabat. Kalau x g pejabat, ada lak yang tanya, apsal aku x g pejabat pulak? Entah la, manusia ni, buat apa pun, ada je yang tak kena. Kekadang, naik angin jugak sebab time2 tertekan dan kerja banyak, dia main tanya camtu pulak. Takpe, bila aku dah abis kerja2 ni, aku nak bercuti panjang. Aku dah janji dengan kawan aku, nak g jalan2 tengok pemandangan. Kalau ada duit, boleh jalan2 cari makan skali.

28 Mei lepas, aku dapat email dari To’ Puan tentang pertambahan kuota untuk sambung belajar. To’ Puan maklumkan aku yang kuota untuk sambung belajar tahun ni ditambah daripada 30 kepada 55 orang, pertambahan sebanyak 25 orang lagi. Secara logiknya, mesti kuota untuk ke UK jugak bertambah. Dan sekali lagi secara logiknya, seharusnya peluang aku untuk ke UK lebih cerah. Tapi sayang, aku dah pun hilang minat nak ke sana. Bukan 100% tak minat, tapi aku dah tak rasa ada apa2 yang penting lagi yang memerlukan aku untuk ke sana. Kalau dua bulan lepas To’ Puan maklumkan berita macam ni pada aku, rasanya aku dah siap2 untuk sambung belajar skang ni. Mesti ada hikmah apa yang berlaku selama beberapa bulan ni. Cuma aku yang masih belum sedar. Biar masa yang tentukan apa akan berlaku nanti.

betraying my country and betraying my friend

2006-05-26T18:25:00.000+02:00

I want to move on with my doctoral study, but sincerely I don’t think that I am ready to start my research yet. It’s really2 tough…

My first choice was the Massey University in New Zealand. However, because of a few reasons, I have changed my mind and decided to go to the UK; not because I have found the expert in my area of interest, but because of my personal reasons :)

My first choice in the UK is the University of Warwick, Coventry. I have contacted a Professor at the Warwick Business School, Professor Bo Chen and request for his assistance to supervise my research. Luckily, he agrees and asked me to prepare my research proposal. He is an expert in combinatorial optimization, scheduling and online algorithm. I am familiar with scheduling and combinatorial optimization, but not online algorithm. However, all these area were not actually my main interest. But, I am willing to try and force myself to learn them, as long I can go there.

While searching for a suitable university in the UK, I knew a Malaysian student, Faisal. He provided a lot of help during my search and I don’t know how I can pay him back for his help.
However, after a long and stressful search, I was told by To’ Puan (the person in charge on study and scholarship issues) that I am not allowed to go to the UK. A very devastating news and has caused a lot of pressure onto me for a few weeks.

After a few weeks of mourning, I decided to move on, and search for a new target. While searching, I read somewhere about a new area of study which is very interesting; the Ant Colony Optimization. The technique was introduced in 1992 (if I am not mistaken), by Prof Marco Dorigo. So, I searched for experts in this technique, and I found them mostly in Switzerland and Belgium. I sent an email to a professor in Switzerland, Prof Luca Maria Gambardella. He is very helpful and has provided me a lot of help. After discussions by emails, I came to a decision that I have to proceed my research under his supervision in a university named Universita della Svizzera Italiana (US) in a small city named Lugano, a city near the border of Swiss and Italy.

I met a few friends in Lugano. The first one is Lino, a teenage boy about my age and is studying in USI at this moment. He is very friendly, and even wants to help me in my search for accommodation. That really helps, since most of the website for accommodation is in Italian language, which I definitely can’t understand, but he can.

The second person is an older friend named Umberto Boggio. He’s 58 and I think about him as an older brother or a father than a friend :p He is also provided a lot of help during my university search. His daughter is coming to Malaysia this summer, and I hope that I can spend a little time to show her around Malaysia :p.

Then, another problem arises. JPA doesn’t recognize USI as a good university. They don’t even care that the future supervisor is very skillful in my area of interest. So, I have to start from zero ‘again’ and search for a new place.
Huh, another failure :’-(

Then I changed my focus to Belgium. In fact, there are experts in Belgium that match my research interest. I have found a potential supervisor and I am still discussing this matter with him, Dr Thomas Stuetzle from Universite Libre de Bruxelles (ULB), Brussels. He provided me a lot of help, and in fact, he is still helping me to complete the official for to request for admission to ULB. The form is in French, and I can’t even understand a French word. So, he’s the one who help me filling the form.

Thank god, I am in the right track and I’m happy for having the chance to know a few good friends.

If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country

Edward Morgan “E. M.” Forster

Standing on The Shoulders of Giants

2006-05-19T04:11:00.000+02:00

"We are as dwarves sitting on the shoulders of giants. We see things that are deeper or further, not by the penetration of our own vision or by our own height, but because they support us and lend us their height"
Bernard de Chartes, 12th century

You can read the inscription “Standing on The Shoulders of Giants” on the outer edge of UK two pound coin. This phrase is attributed to Sir Isaac Newton who wrote it in a letter to his friend, Robert Hooke. The phrase probably means that he has been able to discover knowledge by help from other scientists, not only by his own attempt. There are also other contrary definitions, but I prefer to focus on this one. However, as stated above, the quote is believed to be used by de Chartes on the 12th century, not originally by Sir Isaac.

Sedangkan saintis bukan Islam bersikap rendah diri sedemikian rupa, maka lebih wajar kita yang beragama Islam turut bersikap demikian. Tepuk dada, tanya akal masing-masing. Kejayaan tidak akan dikecap dengan usaha kita semata-mata, sebaliknya dengan bantuan orang ramai di sekeliling, sama ada sedar ataupun tidak…

Selamat Hari Guru :p "PENDIDIKAN BESTARI PEMANGKIN KEGEMILANGAN"

Sambungan Dale Carnegie
Part 3: Win People to Your Way of Thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say “you’re wrong”
3. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
4. Begin in a friendly way
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
10. Appeal to the nobler motives
11. Dramatize your ideas
12. Throw down a challenge

smitten?

2006-05-13T12:37:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

Smitten? Maybe this is a too strong word to describe my condition right now. But this is exactly how I feel, or at least how I think I feel. Do I always fall in love this easy? Hehehe, I don’t think so and I know so. Only those who’re close to me might understand this; Alan and Moon. It took me years to have the courage in searching for new love; probably I’m too lily-livered to be wounded as I experienced before. Arrgh, enough of this crap; I don’t want to spoil my mood right now.

I have decided to pursue my doctoral study in optimization technique, under the ACO (Ant Colony Optimization) domain, or literally translated as “pengoptimuman koloni semut”. What a weird name! Probably I’m going to focus on application for mobile-ad hoc-network (MANET) or quadratic assignment problem (QAP) or dynamic vehicle routing problem. However, this matter also depends on my supervisor’s interest too. I think that I’m very lucky, as I have the opportunity to meet and work with the person who invented this particular technique. Even though I wouldn’t do my research under his direct supervision; I am going to conduct my research in a research centre, which he directed. In addition, my future supervisor is also an expert in this area. I hope that I wouldn’t face other troubles as before in this few months time.

Travelling Salesman Problem

2006-05-07T09:41:00.000+02:00

Travelling Salesman Problem (TSP); a mathematical problem where the objective is to find the cheapest way of visiting all of the cities once (Hamiltonian circuit) and returning to the starting point. Seems simple, but the TSP is one of the most intensely studied problems in computational mathematics and yet no effective solution method is known for the general case.

The resolution of the TSP would settle the P vs NP problem and fetch a $1,000,000 prize from the Clay Mathematics Institute. It's a million dollar prize, just to provide the answer for that particular problem.

The TSP was also mentioned by the Larry Fleinhart in numb3rs, season 2; "Rampage"

Right now, I’m obsessed with the song “Without You” from same same (not sama – sama)

Without You

The first time I saw you I knew
I knew I’d love you cause my heart stopped
The first time I held you I knew
I knew I’d love you cause my heart stopped

BecauseI
Lalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalala love you
Lalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalala love you

Love can make you feel so funny
No house no car not even money
Will make me feel the way what I’m really trying to say
I can’t live another day
Without you
Without you
Lalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalala la......

The first time I kissed you I knew
I knew I had you cause your heart stopped

The first time I kissed you I knew
I knew I’d never wanna leave you

Love can make you feel so funny
No house no car not even money
Will make me feel the way what I’m really trying to say
I can’t live another day
Without you
Without you

Because I
Lalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalala love you (x4)

Dale Carnegie continues: How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936);

Part Two: Six ways to make people like you
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

strive for the best

2006-05-03T05:52:00.000+02:00

I’m very busy this few weeks, preparing my proposals and applications for my doctoral study. Until now, I don’t even know if I’m making the right decision this time, huhuhu. But the opportunity usually comes once in a lifetime. I’ll just have to try my best then… strive for success ad happiness :p

I received my statement of account from Maxis a few days ago, even though I have paid my bill more than ten days before. Luckily, I’m at home when the postman sent the phone bill. Hehehe, I just don’t want to surprise my mother with the sum that I should pay.

I just want to summarize what Dale Carnegie wrote in her book, How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936); It’s a very good book, but I only read it halfway, then I can’t find the book until now (just read it at the library)

Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
Give honest and sincere appreciation
Arouse in the other person an eager want

sway

2006-04-30T02:47:00.000+02:00

sway

Don't stray, don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don't let me drown, let me down
I say it's all because of you

And here I go, losing my control
I'm practising your name so I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it's time to tell you why
I say it's infintely true

CHORUS:
Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you

And there's no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

CHORUS TWICE

It's all because of you
It's all because of you

Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon
It's time to tell you why, I say it's infinitely true

CHORUS TWICE

It's all because of you
It's all because of you
It's all because of you

"people can’t chose how the life begin, but must have nerve to fight over”

2006-04-25T09:09:00.000+02:00

"people can’t chose how the life begin, but must have nerve to fight over”
- Huo Yuan Jia (Fearless)

I’ve watched this movie for at least three times, and I still love to watch it very much. The first time I watched this movie, I nearly cried when Huo Yuan Jia realised that he was poisoned, but still want to fight the Japanese fighter till the end….

The story started with a young asthmatic boy, Huo Yuan Jia who wants to learn martial art, but wasn’t allowed by his father, a martial art guru himself. Huo Yuan Jia ends up learning martial art by himself, and successfully becomes a famous fighter. The main conflict started when he became addicted with countless victory in his fights with his challengers. To achieve his goal; becoming the number one fighter in his town, he accidentally killed a famous fighter in a deadly fight (I forgot his name :p). After his father’s death, the fighter’s son seeks for revenge and killed Huo Yuan Jia’s mother and daughter.

“enmity will just make more enmity” – Hua Yuan Jia (Fearless)

Again, Huo Yuan Jia seeks for revenge and killed the fighter’s son. Then he realised that his fight with the famous fighter was only caused by a major misunderstanding. Haunted by the guilt of what he did, Huo Yuan Jia tried to kill himself and was then saved by a group of people living in the wood. He then slowly realised the purpose of his existence ………….. (just watch the movie la)

I hope I’ll have enough courage; as much as Huo Yuan Jia to move on with my life. A lot of things happened lately that did cause me a lot of pressure :’-(
Should I face it again, or should I just admit my defeat?

Songs for this month:
1- Terlalu istimewa (Farouq’s version; thanks to Mr Farouq himself)
2- Sway (contributed by Mr Faisal)
3- You raise me up by Josh Groban
4- Because of you by Kelly Clarkson

troubles

2006-04-22T02:57:00.000+02:00

troubles never come singly

i want it!

2006-04-19T02:06:00.000+02:00

Had you ever wanted something so bad that it makes you tried your best to get it. But in the end, you still can’t have it! What makes it worse is; you just realized that you can’t have it after you believed that it was already in your hands. It sucks. It really does sucks. I have done everything in my power. But still, “everything” I did is not enough. Should I try again? Hahaha, I’ve used most of my energy and there’s barely enough left for myself. I’ll take a rest for a few days, and see what will happen.

I felt so helpless right now. There’s nothing more that I could do, but to accept everything happened. I understand that much, but my heart isn’t ready to accept it yet.

At first, I thought that I can cope with this matter and move on with my life. But, I was definitely wrong. I had never thought that I could feel so miserable hearing the news yesterday. For the first time since working here, I have no mood to go to my office. Sh*t, what am I doing? Why should this happen to me during this most crucial time?

When I am down and oh my soul so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

move out of my way

2006-04-18T02:11:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…

I’m soooooo sleepy…

Something happens and got me thinking about collision theory, and then my thoughts turned to relationships. It’s interesting that a person would think people should move out of their way when they collided. I wonder do these people walk around their entire life not moving for oncoming humans? Surely this would increase their personal number of collisions, in fact, if we all took on this mentality, then perhaps we would be more like blind ants; bumping into each other all day. That in itself has its pros and cons, I mean, breaking the ice with a stranger would become a lot easier, however sometimes the ice is best left alone.

But, what if this person had the same attitude when it comes to relationships? Perhaps this person would never say hello first, never make the first phone call… never call up that old friend and just wait… wait for the world to change without them. Wait for the world to change for them. Then, by the time someone says hello to him or her, they’re cold. Imagine if we were all like this, as with no one moving for anyone perhaps no one would say hello first.

So the way I see it there’s a whole bunch of people out there just moving out of the way and trying to make conversation with people, they’re the ones keeping society going… well done…

2006-04-17T06:31:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

A very busy week...

Last two weeks, I paid the registration fee to present my research paper during a symposium in June. I registered my name as a student (student registration fee is only half compared to the normal fee), kononnya nk jimat duit.

Then my friend informed me; my boss told him that the registration fee will be paid by our organization. Not only the registration fee, but also the hotel, flight, and food too. It's great, but I have paid my registration fee already! I can get back the money, but I hate the procedures to follow and forms that I have to fill.

i got this from a website a few years ago...

Because of a friend, life is a little stronger, fuller, more gracious thing for the friend's existence, whether he be near or far. If the friend is close at hand, that is best; but if he is far away he still is there to think of, to wonder about, to hear from, to write to, to share life and experience with, to serve, to honor, to admire, to love.
Arthur Christopher Benson

saved by a 'pakcik'

2006-04-12T08:07:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…

I’ve met my boss this morning… and discussed on my future planning. Guess what? I successfully convinced him to allow me going to the UK! I felt even happier than passing my masters degree, hahaha… one step closer to achieve my goal. However, there are still two major obstacles before I am allowed going there; the board of directors meeting & JPA meeting.

After seeing my boss, I went to the HSBC to create a new bank account. It takes about an hour, but the person in charge of my account registration is very “friendly” :) we chat about a lot of things while completing the forms needed. While I was registering my new account, my friend waited for me outside the bank. My friend’s car suddenly was out of fuel (not suddenly :p ; we planned to fill up the tank on our way back from the bank). So, he parked the car just outside the bank and entered the bank to meet me. When we went back to his car, we got a “love letter” from the MPKT, hehehe. Got a ticket because we parked outside the HSBC! We have no fuel and can’t even start the car, and the nearest gas station is more than one kilometre away. Unexpectedly, a ‘pakcik’ and his wife came to our car, chat for a while, and offered to take us to the nearest gas station. Saved by a ‘pakcik’ today… Thank you 'pakcik' :)

no title

2006-04-12T02:01:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…

I did something terrible yesterday. I don’t even know how to write it down :’-(

good news and bad news

2006-04-11T04:49:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHIM…

I received good news and a bad news from my boss a few days ago. The good news is I’m allowed to continue my study as soon as possible; but I have to prepare for my research topic & proposal first. The bad news is; he disagrees with my intention to continue my study in the UK. He said that I wouldn’t have enough time to prepare for my study in September. I knew, 2 months is too short for my phd preparation. But, as long as I want it, I’ll try my best to do it. I can sleep in the office every night if I have to. I can work in the weekend if I have to. I can cancel my trip planned in the next month if I have to. I’m willing to do everything in my power to go there. Until now, I’m still trying to persuade him to allow me to go there. Even though I like my boss, sometimes he’s too strict & hard to deal with. He can’t imagine how much I’m willing to do. I have my own reasons why I insists going to the UK :p

Right now, I’m thinking for other reasons and explanations, so that I can convince my boss to let me going there:

1..There are a lot of experts in the UK, specifically in my area of interest, so that I can meet the best brains there :)
2..I have the chance to attend more conferences compared to other places
3..It has been my dream since childhood to study there(just exaggerating)
4..The universities are well-known in this area of study; more established
5..My younger brother is studying in Europe too, so my father want me to keep an eye on my brother (more excuse, hehehe)
6..I have found myself a good supervisor *** this might be my strongest point, if I really found one
.....A full professor, at least
.....A lot of publications (40 to 50)
.....Helpful
.....Knowledgeable

I’m going to meet my boss on Wednesday to discuss about this matter. The university board of director’s meeting will be held on July & September.. I have to be fully prepared by the end of June, so that my proposal can be reviewed in the July’s meeting.

I'm tired trying to do all this things. I really do... But I know that I have to do it. If I fail to take my chance now, I don't know either I will ever have the same opportunity again in my life...

Fibonacci sequence

2006-04-06T09:08:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

Fibonacci number

The original source of information on Fibonacci number was written in a book by Pingala (500 BC), an Indian Mathematician (younger brother of the great ancient Indian grammarian, Panini). Then, the Fibonacci number was studied by Fibonacci, a.k.a. Leonardo Pisano or Leonardo of Pisa, 1170 – 1250 (not Leonardo da Vinci, 1452 – 1519)

Fibonacci numbers;
For n = 0, Fn = 0
For n = 1, Fn = 1
For n > 1, Fn = F(n-1) + F(n-2)

* two Fibonacci numbers will produce the next Fibonacci number

the first 10 Fibonacci numbers in Fibonacci series;
0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 33

Most of us have no idea what’s the correlation between Fibonacci number & our daily life; conversion factor from miles to kilometer, pine arrangement in pine cones, raspberry seeds, patterns in horns and shells, and even our body proportions are connected to the Fibonacci numbers.

Others topics related to Fibonacci: the golden ratio (golden proportion @ divine proportion), vitruvian man (Leonardo da Vinci)

*** got the idea from Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown

a big bug

2006-04-04T22:00:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

Still can’t sleep right now. So I just keep playing with Python... It’s quite easy to learn, but I haven’t touched the programme for nearly 6 months! I have forgotten most of what I have learned before, huuuuuu. I should spend more time with it.

Someone keep asking for my forgiveness, while at the same time doing things that make me sick & sad! Keep accusing me doing things I never did, even though I have explained everything! WTH… If u don’t trust me, just walk away from my life… I’m tired of clearing up the same issues day after day.

sleeping at the office

2006-04-04T19:36:00.000+02:00

scary

bored?

2006-04-04T02:22:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…

Since August 2005, I have recorded my daily expenses (of course, sometimes I missed 1 or 2 ringgit). Firstly, it’s quite hard to train myself, but I successfully continue my habit until now. The good thing is; I can plan my daily and monthly expenses. I can clearly see how much I spend for my food, tickets, phone bills, books, bowling, DVDs, friskies, etc. I even have the list of DVDs I’ve bought in last two years; a total of 163 pieces of DVDs. Storybooks that I’ve bought? I buy storybook at least once per month. But I still don’t have time to record the books that I have bought. I spend a lot of money on storybooks, however I haven’t even read some of them, hahaha. Still, it’s not easy to control myself from using the extra money :-) The amount of money I use monthly is too much compared to my income. Trust me; it’s scary to know how much you actually spend each month.

Today is a boring day? Never and it will never be. I love my life as it is. Long ago, I live in an unexciting life myself. Always dissatisfied with almost everything happened. Living in a boarding school, I learned how to make friends (enemies too). Yeah, friend is the most important part in my life, after my family. Even though I’m not a good friend myself, I’m very lucky to meet a lot of good friends in my life. We sometimes quarrel with each other, but that’s not the end of our friendship. It’s just a perfectly normal thing to fight with our friends :p Three things I hate the most in a friendship; lies, lies and lies. When I make friends, I always tell my friends – it’s either u tell me the truth, or u tell me nothing! I hate liars. My basic principle is to trust everyone. But once somebody lies to me, that will be the end of those lies. It’s very hard for me to trust liars twice. That’s my attitude and how I will always be.

allinallisallweallare

2006-04-03T11:36:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…

“allinallisallweallare” the most memorable word(s) in my teenage life :p

Mizi invited me to KL this weekend, to play badminton on Sunday evening. Quite a wonderful idea, hehehe. I think I’ll go to KL, since I don’t have to go to Kedah to submit my report (my supervisor only asked me to send the adjusted report by email) So, I think I’ll take a long break this weekend (Friday-Tuesday). I want to buy a few things in KL; extra styluss & pouch bag for my phone. I’ve already lost one of the styluss provided. I need an extra set, just in case of emergency. Another thing in my mind is a digital camera :-) Should I buy it, or shouldn’t I? “show me the money”

“trust is everything” I heard this quote from a movie, but I can’t remember what’s the movie’s title. If I’m not mistaken, the hero once told the heroin “trust is important”. But the heroin said “no, trust is everything”. I memorize this much, as I have faced a memorable incident myself before… Ahhh, it’s not that important anyway…

“I get by with a little help from my friends” - John Lennon.

bad dream

2006-04-03T02:11:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…

I woke up around 4.50 am because of a nightmare. I dreamt about one of my best friends in the boarding school. In my dream, I met him in Australia. How can I be so sure it’s Australia? How should I know, it’s a dream la…

The sad thing is, when he saw me calling for him, he just ignored me. He just took a glance at me, and then ignored me! I’m so shocked when he did that. He never did that before :'-( A few minutes later; somebody came to him and told him something. From his eyes, I can sense something was not right. He ran out of the building and took a bus to the airport. When I asked the person who talked to him just now, he said that my friend’s mother is sick in Malaysia. I ran after the bus, and then I woke up from my sleep… I hope that this is just a bad dream.

My friends invited me to join them going to Bangkok and Indonesia, maybe in the next month. I haven’t decided yet, either I want to join them or not. Actually, I have no money, hahaha….

wretched

2006-04-02T09:03:00.000+02:00

Wretched...
Too many things to do this week. I don't know which one to finish first.
Last week, I borrowed 11 books from the library, but only read 3 of them :p, dont finish even one of them though. I have to spend more time into those books.

On Friday, I bought The Fifth Horseman, by James Patterson. A very interesting book, but I still can't finish it. I've lost my "reading mood" already. I also bought a few DVDs on friday; Munich, Fearless, Underworld Evolution, I can't remember the other four movies :p I don't even have time to watch the movies, yet I still bought them!

I checked my phone bill just now. The amount charged is just about my credit limit, arrrgh.
Maybe I'll pay the bill earlier. I really need to use my phone right now, hahaha.
Money comes and goes just like that. As long as I'm happy :)

celebration

2006-03-31T03:47:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…

31 March, 2006
Last night, I went to Kuala Perlis with my friends to celebrate the completion of my masters. We ate at a new restaurant near the Kuala Perlis jetty. I really enjoyed myself last night :) Thanks to my dear friends. Then we stopped at the highway (near Arau if I’m not mistaken). We wanted to take some pictures, but the only camera we have is out of battery. So, we just take some pictures using our cellphone. Then we play car-chase along our way back. Huh, a bus nearly hit us when we stopped at the highway & killed the headlights :p.

Waaa, what happened to my cellphone! I can’t hear anything when I’m using the phone. I just bought it for two months! Maybe I should use my old phone (my old phone even survive a bus accident with me last year). I’ll try to reset the phone first…

Yesterday, I met with my ex-lecturer (he’s my ex-dean too). We talked about a lot of things, including about my life and my future planning. He even encouraged me to plan on my work; when to continue phd, senior lecturer, associate prof, prof. A few years ago, he invited me to continue my masters under his supervision. He even wants to help me applying scholarship for my research. However, I refused as I had selected another lecturer to be my supervisor. But, until now he is still helping me doing my masters and suggesting plans for my future. When I finished my undergraduate study, he asked me to be his research assistant for two months. He paid me a four digits salary per month. That’s a lot of money :) After I got the money, I myself paid for another research assistant to help me doing the project, hahaha.

finally

2006-03-29T06:25:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

ALHAMDULILLAH, finally my viva session ended, and I passed my masters.
Luckily I can answer the questions given during the viva session.

Thanks to Ma & Abah for your neverending support
Faisal - for waking me up, calming me down, and giving me hope and tips
Nazar - for helping me with programming using PHP
Fairuz(k) & Fathy - for sending me to the bus station & calming me down
Azwan - for picking me at the bus station, sending me to the faculty before the viva session, even though u have to submit ur assignment today, providing the "kiwi" for my shoes & the iron for my clothes
Ady - for ironing my clothes, hehehe; malasnyer aku
Atam - for organizing the mock lecture session, attending the mock lecture session & providing questions & tips
Fairuz(a) - for picking me at the bus station with Azwan, attending my mock lecture session
Cardiac - for attending the mock lecture session & providing questions & tips
Ucop - for attending the mock lecture session & providing questions & tips
Teja - for attending the mock lecture session & providing questions & tips
Boy & Keong - for the moral support

My boss; thanks Prof for the continuous support
My lecturers; thank you very much
The external assessor; for giving me tips and guide, not just trying to kill me

The least I can do is inserting your name in my thesis report.
Siapa yang dekat2 sini, bleh la celebrate mkn malam.
Sapa yg jauh2, lain kali yer :p
Semoga Allah merahmati semua yang terlibat.

dream

2006-03-27T02:46:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…

26 March, 2006; 8.15 pm
I’m eating alone right now; sup tulang & nasi kosong… Waa, I felt so lonely. I have three housemates, but all of them have their own tasks to do tonight. My first housemate goes to his office because of some urgent works. My second housemate has to attend dinner for an opening ceremony at the Grand Cont. He invited me to join him, but I refused. I don’t like staying inside the conference room, listening to the boring speech. My third housemate went out to see his gf… Me? I’m staying at home in front of my laptop…

I love cats… I mean, I really do love cats very much. I have a cat when I was 8. But after its death, I haven’t kept a new one until now. Furthermore, I rarely live in Kelantan during my teenage years. I was always on the move. So, it’s hard to keep a cat with me all the time. While doing my masters, I found two cats. When I first saw them, they are only two to three weeks old. They were too thin since nobody feed them during the semester break. I kept them for one whole semester; feed them and sleep with them, hehehe. They can easily know my voice when I called them. I always bring them to my room, particularly when it is raining outside. I can’t stand watching them soaked by the rain. Last month, I have to go back to my workplace. So, I have to leave my dear cats to my friend. This week, I’m going to attend my viva session. Maybe I can find a way to bring my cats with me. Right now, I’m planning to bring my cats to Terengganu by train. I’ll take the train from Kedah to KL, then from KL to Kelantan. From Kelantan, I’ll take another bus to Kuala Terengganu. I love travelling and doing crazy things…

27 March, 2006
“Do you remember how you dreamed as a child? Back then, we had a wonderful innocence, and could gaze into the future, and imagine all sorts of possibilities. Then we turn our focus to adulthood. Many of us find that by the time we get here, we hit a wall and stop dreaming, because we can’t see past next week. Why? What happened!? Somewhere along the way we learned a painful truth. We learned that failing to achieve our dream hurts.”

………….

“Ladies & gentlemen, what do you dream? …or is the better question: What did you dream, and why did you stop? If you have ever let a dream slip away, I’m here to tell you, it’s not too late. If you can summon the courage to overcome your circumstances and your experiences and your critics, your dream can live!”

One of the best speech scripts I’ve ever read. The speech by Jim Key, 2003 World Champion of Public Speaking. I’m searching for his cd to watch his speeches, but I still can’t find it :(

His speech reminds me of my own dreams. Yes, I’m a dreamer; always dreaming & aiming for great things. Sometimes, I’m afraid that I can’t achieve my dreams. But then, reading his speech script gives me new perspective on dreams. I think every normal person have dreams. Its only depends, either we are brave enough to accept that we ourselves have our own dreams and to gain enough guts to strive for our own dream or not. Now I’m planning to travel 1/3 around the globe, to achieve my dream. It’s really hard, as I have to prepare a lot of things and sacrifice many other things before I can get there. But, that’s my dream. I’ll give my best effort to achieve it.

searching

2006-03-26T05:29:00.000+02:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM…

Hrmmmm, I’ve spent 2 hours and 43 minutes, searching for a song, “Sway” by Bic Runga, from her album; Drive. I still can’t find the link to download the song though. However, I can still listen to the song online, from her website. Maybe I’ll search for the cd this evening if I can’t find the song online :)

This morning, I suddenly woke up approximately at 1 am. I felt like there’s something moving next to me, huhhh. It’s my housemate. Maybe the temperature inside his room is higher than the living room (fyi, I’m sleeping at the living room). So, I woke up and give him some more space, then activate Agile Messenger. Hrmm, somebody is out there :) I want to chat, but I was too sleepy. I think I’ll fell asleep while chatting if I do so. So, better if I just call him (alasan je ni). Actually I just want to hear the voice, hahaha. I just talk about 4++ minutes only because I don't want to disturb my friend. I think he's very busy (are u?). I’ve spent quite a lot for my phone bill this month; to help my brother picking a suitable course and to help my sister searching for information on scholarships and to fill up her UPU application, and of course; calling my friends. Just a small matter though, as long as I am happy (",) There’s no use having a lot of money if you don’t spend it for your happiness, hahaha.

weekend routine

2006-03-25T02:11:00.000+01:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRAHIM…

Thursday, 23 March, 2006
I planned to go back to Kota Bharu, to meet my parents before going to Kedah for my viva session. So, I phoned the Transnasional counter to book the bus ticket. However, the operator said that I’m not allowed to book the ticket by phone. So, I planned to buy the bus ticket on the spot, on 8 o’clock. But, I’m very disappointed when the person selling the bus ticket told me that the ticket was sold out already. I hate it when I suddenly have to change my plan. Arrrgh, I can’t meet my parents this week.

Friday, 24 March, 2006
I woke up at 5++, and enabled the Agile Messenger. I saw a “ding” from my friend, a future lawyer to be. So, I chat with him for about 15 to 30 minutes, if I’m not mistaken. It’s very nice to know & chat with him; even I never meet him before. We just talk about our life & daily activities. But I’m really happy to have somebody to accompany me while I definitely need someone to talk to.

Firstly, I planned to go to my office, to settle a few tasks. Guess what? I fell asleep :) I guess I’m too tired. Last night, I slept at 2++ and woke up at 5++. Not enough sleep. Maybe I’ll just stay at home today. Everybody needs a little rest, isn’t it?

Saturday, 25 March, 2006
Beli 3 bungkus nasi minyak & lepak dekat ofis (",)

the lady of dreams

2006-03-22T07:28:00.000+01:00

my favourite song, by Kitaro, 1992... a very beautiful song indeed.
always listen to this song when I desperately need a companion :)

Save me a place .... In the heart of your hearts .... When you think of love .... Never forsake me.

Wanting and dreaming you .... Each time I think of you .... Lying naked beside me..

Only a Lady of Dreams .... She will bring magic .... To sing to your heartstrings..

Only a Lady of Dreams .... Come alive - you are all .... That I desire

Save me a place ... In the heart of your hearts ... When you think of dreams ... Never forsake me.

Wanting and holding you .... Each time I come to you .... Lying naked beside you..

Only a Lady of Dreams .... Could there be magic .... To sing to your heartstrings..

Only a Lady of Dreams .... Come alive - you are all .... That I desire

Something tells me .... This is love that surrounds.. .... Only a fool .... Without wisdom can see..

Blind as I am .... In your eyes .... My Lady of Dreams..

Save me, save me .... A place in your heart.. .... Tears escape from me .... When we're apart..

Please dream of me now .... My Lady of Dreams..

My thought and wishes .... Are all that surrounds.. .... Mysteries hold you .... Then fly you away..

You know you are my life . My Lady of Dreams. You know you are my life . My Lady of Dreams.

semakin berisi, semakin tunduk

2006-03-22T01:13:00.000+01:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

Yesterday evening, my boss invited me to his house. Just to chat & drink coffee since he’s been busy for the last few days. I told him about my viva session next week. Then I informed him about my intention to take a week leave from my work during viva. He told me that my absence wouldn’t be recorded, but he can only allow me to take 3 days leave, not a whole week. Thanks boss, hehehe, that’s enough time for me.

Then he asked me either I have any problem with my former research supervisor… At first, I don’t want to tell him anything :) But he said that that he knew my supervisor already. In fact I’m really definitely extremely disappointed with my thesis supervisor. While doing my masters, he let me do my research by myself (I mean mostly by myself). I’m not saying that he didn’t help me at all, but the help he provides me was not enough. I still remember the compliment he received during my proposal presentation session. One of the assessors congratulates my supervisor because I delivered a superb proposal presentation on that day (I’m not boasting laa :), since no one here know me; there’s no need to boast). The assessor said “of course you’re doing a very good presentation. You’re Dr XXX’s student. He must helped u a lot”. Of course I didn’t tell the board of examiner that I prepared the proposal and presentation by myself. What my supervisor did – check the power point presentation slide prior to the presentation session. Huh; what a big help.

Then, when my supervisor informs me about the viva date, I asked him a few basic things to clarify some issues. He refused to answer any question from me. I asked him, who are my internal & external examiner; he refused to tell me (the information is confidential. But I knew him for more than 5 years. Can’t he provide me a little help?) I asked him about the possible viva duration (I knew the answer already, but just to test him). He even considered this info as classified. Huh, what a big help… Then, I asked him the next question; Where the viva will be held?... u know the answer – CLASSIFIED

“ikutlah resam padi; semakin berisi, semakin tunduk” – I heard this words hundreds of times already. But the last time I heard it (last night), I really understood the meaning of those words. My boss, my idol is the best example for me. He’s not just saying the word, but he’s applying the concept in his life. He’s among the first (if he’s not the first one) Malay mathematician that received a PhD in Fuzzy (not sure the specific area though). But he’s too humble, very helpful, knowledgable….. and he’s very strict too, in his classes or at work. But outside of his class, he’s a very good father and mentor. If I have an idea, lets say I can formulate my idea from a to c. When I asked for his opinion, I’m not surprised if he can easily suggests his idea from a to z already.

Ooops, I have to meet him in an hour. Better be prepared, or I’m a dead meat.

viva voce

2006-03-21T08:05:00.000+01:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

The date for my viva session is on next Wednesday, 29 March, 2006. I'm thrilled, yet terrified hearing the news from my supervisor just now. The 2 hours session that will determine either I can successfully complete my masters or not. I have to get ready for this...

an early day

2006-03-21T01:16:00.000+01:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

I woke up around 4++ am this morning. Too early, hehehe. I don't know why I always wake up in the middle of the night nowadays.. Then I realised that my cellphone is nearly dead. So, I charged my cellphone, and activate Agile Messenger, just to check my YM. But seems like nobody is out there. When I opened my eyes again, my cellphone's battery is nearly fully charged, and it's 6.30 already, arrgh, I have to wake up. Actually, I'm waiting for some messages in my YM. Messages that I hope will raise up my spirit and strength. Maybe I'm just dreaming and hoping too much for myself. :( When I entered my office ad I checked my YM, I saw two "ding" from my friend :) Although I only knew this friend of mine for less than two weeks (if I'm not mistaken), it's really nice even to get the "ding"s (dont know what to call this "ding" thing) Maybe I have top wake up at 4 again tomorrow to chat, hahaha...

my dear brother

2006-03-20T01:13:00.000+01:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

My dear brother sent me a sms around 7 yesterday evening, asking me to assist him in selecting a suitable course for him. He’s very fortunate, as he can choose any course that he likes; lucky him. He is taking preparation classes and will finish it in another 3 months duration. So, he has to decide what specific course he’s going to take when his preparation classes ended. He still can't make up his mind about this. My first suggestion to him is to choose a course that he’s interested in. I told him that he just have so study something he really love. In the future, I’m positively confident that he will easily find a job after his study.

After reading the sms he sent me, I tried to call him, but I can’t reach him after a few tries. So, I just sent sms to him, to inform that I’m going to search the net about courses that he might take.

I borrowed my friend’s car, and drove to my office. Warrrgh, I can’t log-in to the net. Probably the server was not working. Then I went out of my workplace, and searched for a cyber café. It took me about half an hour to search for one. Thank god I found the information I’m searching for at the cyber café. But, when I want to send another sms to my brother, then I realized that I can’t receive any signal from my cell phone service provider inside the cyber cafe. Arrrgh, what a night. But, that’s not a problem; I’m willing to do anything, as long as I can help my brother :)

When I arrived at home, my housemate invited me to see my boss (my boss just arrived from Finland) at his house. Aaargh, I’m too tired, so I refused to go with him. As expected, my boss asked about me, “why didn’t I go to his house?” It’s a long story boss. Maybe I'll meet him today

today

2006-03-19T00:59:00.000+01:00

I woke up earlier this morning, around 5 o’clock. What happened to my sleeping routine? Huhuhu, I can’t sleep. Have to write something. Actually, I only tell a person from Myspace about the existence of my blog. I have added a few friends from my school, but then I realized that they’re not updating their blogs for months. So, there’s no point adding them up… Furthermore, most of the stuff I’m writing is about myself.

Long ago…
I don’t wanna cry
When my day turns unexpectedly bad
I don’t have to cry
Even though it turns out worse
I can’t even cry
Since u were always there to soothe me
I can’t even force myself to cry
As u will definitely stop me before I do

But today will never be the same again…
Nobody really care when I’m crying
They’re always asking me why
But never wait to hear my answer

How can I hope for love
When I can only find lust everywhere
I’m afraid to know others anymore
Too scared to hurt myself again
To the limit that I myself can’t endure

I had feel it twice
Oh my God, I’m afraid to suffer anymore

keep it up

2006-03-18T09:59:00.001+01:00

I'm crying cuz it hurts
So many unanswered questions
My eyes are burning
You would think my eyes would dryed up
But They Haven't
The Tears Keep Falling
I lost you

Why can't I be happy with life?
Was I left alone for too long?
Is that why I can't let that one go?

The pain of these years is massive
Try it like this
A blade cutting your cheek every day
Every night
Where you can't stop crying
And your eyes are pure blood shot
With no one there to hold you
No one to keep you company
Just pure emptyness
Where you sit in self-pity
And keep reminding yourself that your gonna wake up, but you don't

Getting up everyday and thinking to yourself what's the point?
What have I got to look forward to?
I can't move on
I hear the name and a lump goes to my throat.
How can I still be crushed?
I need to rest, but I can't......
***SpYkE***

pesawat misteri?

2006-03-18T01:24:00.000+01:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

Utusan Malaysia
Berita 1: 18 Mac, 2006
PM: Pesawat bukan di ruang udara kita
PULAU PINANG 17 Mac - Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi berkata, pesawat tidak dikenali berlegar-legar di ruang udara berhampiran Johor dipercayai milik Singapura.

``Kemungkinan milik Singapura tetapi penerbangan itu bukan dalam ruang udara kita,'' katanya pada sidang akhbar selepas merasmikan Pangkalan Polis Marin Wilayah Utara di Batu Uban di sini hari ini.

Berita 2: 18 Mac, 2006
Pesawat misteri dikenal pasti milik Singapura buatan Israel
IMEJ gambar pesawat tanpa pemandu yang berlegar dekat Johor Bahru, kelmarin.
JOHOR BAHRU 17 Mac - Pesawat tidak dikenali yang dilapor berlegar di ruang udara Gelang Patah dekat sini seperti disiarkan akhbar semalam, dikenali pasti sebagai pesawat peninjau tanpa pemandu (UAV) buatan Israel milik Tentera Udara Republik Singapura, kata seorang penganalisis pertahanan.

``Ia jenis Searcher UAV buatan syarikat Israel Aircraft Industries. Ia bukan sesuatu yang rahsia, Singapura menggunakannya sejak dari 1998,'' kata penganalisis itu yang enggan namanya disiarkan.

Maybe for a lot of us, we will assume this as a common mistake, or just an isolated flaw... But, is it possible for a PM not to notice an aircraft that has been used for 8 years by his neighbour? Just think about it... "Kerajaan cakna rakyat"
Ok, that's enough...

I woke up quite early this morning, around 5.40 am. I tried to sleep again, but I can't. So, I checked my YM, using Agile Messenger. Hehehe, thanks to the modern technology. What am I gonna do today? Probably I’m going to the office la, to finish a few chores. Don’t take me wrong. I’m not a workaholic. I’m just doing whatever I like, whenever I like it. Furthermore, if I stay at home during the weekend, most probably I’ll end up sleeping all day. Better do something than nothing, right? I’m searching for a new house to rent right now. For the time being, I’m staying at my friend’s house, near my workplace. I think everybody can imagine what a typical bachelor’s house looks like, hehehe. Maybe I’ll search for a new house this evening, with my friend. If I can find one, I’ll move in on April. I need a new house to focus on the preparation for my study. I have to take action faster, or I won't be able to get out of here by the end of 2006 :)

Things to do:
1. Settle a few things in my office
2. Search for a house
3. Go to maxis service centre

at the beach

2006-03-16T09:28:00.000+01:00

the beach, and a pakcik

i have to wait for nearly 30 minutes just to drink this? huhh

Al Fatihah 2

2006-03-16T06:52:00.000+01:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

Just now, i received a call from Azwan, telling me another shocking news. Another friend of mine (Atam) has lost his father just now, because of old age. Two of my friend's father passed away on the same week. Semoga mereka diampunkan Allah dan dicucuri rahmatNya. Al Fatihah...
Life is too short, isn't it?

"a new beginning"

2006-03-16T01:45:00.000+01:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

What do I mean by “a new beginning”? Somebody just asked me. Mmm, how should I write this…
When I was an undergraduate student, I knew a girl from my faculty. She’s a bright, loyal, stunning, lively girl. In other word, she’s perfect girl for me. She has the complete package as my dream girl, and she treat me very kindly. After a few months knowing her, she then becomes my gf. But I myself don’t know how to appreciate her. Last year, on 1 Muharram, I break up with her, after two years being her bf (I'm the one who asked to break up). Until today, I never tell her the reasons of what I did……

My stupid reasons:

1. I love her so much. I don’t want to do anything that I’m not supposed to do onto her. I think everybody can understand what I mean by this. I’m a human too & I just can’t control myself. Even my best friend said that this excuse unacceptable. For me, I really love her and I won’t do anything that might jeopardise her future. It might happen if I continue my relationship with her for the time being.
2. Can’t tell this one
3. While I break up with her, I don’t have enough money to support my study & to marry her (haven’t got my job yet)
4. I can’t give enough attention to her, as I’m too far from her; I’m still studying while she’s working elsewhere
5. I can’t give her an appropriate answer when she asked me: “when are you going to meet my parents?”

When I was officially her bf, she gave a few pictures of her to me, including a special picture of herself. She asked me to bring the picture with me, anywhere I go, and I did. I still have the picture in my wallet, even when I’m attending her wedding last week. Yes, I attended her wedding ceremony. As the last guest actually. I arrived at her house around 7 in the evening. Firstly, I thought that I can handle it as a gentleman, hehehe. But, when I saw her face again, I knew that I still love her. I nearly cried in front of her. But, there’s nothing more that I can do. What the hell, she’s not mine anymore. But I really really really miss her. This is one of the reasons, why I want to travel far away from Malaysia. But, where to?

That's my new beginning... beginning to live by myself again, to feel lonely again. I thought that I’m ready for this, but I’m definitely wrong. It’s really hard for me to continue my daily life right now, day by day by day.